Sad realization

Lethe · June 5

We are visiting our grandchildren and yesterday while playing games with my DH and 4 year old grand daughter I realized she got the rules quicker than her grandfather. She kept saying, “It’s ok, and your color is red and mine is blue etc. while playing Candy Land. He could not keep the pieces straight or match the colors. My cousin came to visit and asked him how old he was and he said 62 (he’s 74). She said “well that’s in the ball park”. The baby was crawling around on the floor so I asked him to pick up “all the duplo pieces that look like this” because I was worried they were too small for the baby. He could not do it. I realized out of our own environment, how incapable of the most basic tasks he is. And it hit hard. Because he is mostly oriented to place and people I don’t always realize how compromised he is.

blacksparky · June 5

Yes it seems like on a day by day basis we don’t realize our LO’s progression. It takes a visitor or family member to make us see the progression. It’s such a terrible disease we are having to live through.

Biggles · June 6

it is so sad and such a shock when the penny drops and you realise how compromised your loved one is or has become. It is a horrible disease one your loved one doesn’t want and who would never want to create the pain and distress or the impact that it carries. You are now his safety net, his support, his protector. This is now your cross to bear. Read the posts here on this forum ask questions, grieve and cry and come here often. We all care very much for each others situation.

Sunfish47 · June 6

My DH gets tired and goes to sleep before me in the evenings. I stay up for a few hours to watch tv, do chores, etc. Last night I was in dining room on my computer paying bills when I heard him get up and use the bathroom, which is right near the bedroom. Then he was wandering around the living room and I came out to see what he needed.
He said : “I just want to find the room where I can lay down and sleep.” “Ok dear, come here I’ll show you where our bedroom is.” ☹️
Our youngest grandson is 11, and I think DH is on a 4-6 year old level. They are all patient with him except the oldest one (19 yo) is a bit freaked out. I keep trying to reassure him this won’t happen to his generation as scientists and artificial intelligence will find a cure long before they need to be concerned.
I hope this is true.

Lethe · June 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274192#Comment_274192

I sure hope you are right. It is heartwarming to see the care young children intuitively seem to have without knowing exactly what’s happening, more difficult for teens I’m sure.

SDianeL · June 6

we don’t realize how much we do for our LO. It’s called scaffolding. We help them more than we realize. Plus they are more capable in familiar surroundings. It’s like a gut punch when we realize how they would function without us. Hugs. 💜

Bailey's Mom · June 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274192#Comment_274192

This just made me think…when I was young I didn't worry about getting cancer or wrinkles, because I was sure that there would be a cure before I got old. Now I am old and have lots of wrinkles and there is no cure for cancer! I sure hope that this isn't the case with dementia…

howhale · June 7

Such sad and heart wrenching stories but so familiar. All of us who served as the care giver for our LO, and who still are, see and live the minute by minute reality of this terrible evil disease. The complete truth is hidden from most. Even the crack in the window to this disease being provided by celebrities who are sharing (and thank you so much for them) falls short of the complete reality that we all know so well. I suspect that each of us harbor a sleep depriving fear of the disease, having seen it from the inside. My DW, no longer with me, saw her father suffer the disease and feared it would find her. It did and she endured it for many years. Now, our family, our children and grandchildren have seen more of the truth of the disease than most and harbor that same fear. Because we cannot say what causes it and who it may attack, the horror now haunts them and me. I don't know if even with unlimited resources and the most brilliant minds if a cause and cure would be found but I know that without that it definitely will not be found. From childhood, I believed everyone should be called to serve in some form and many do so and experience some of the ugly truths of life. For others I always felt that a time serving in hospitals and care centers in some form would open eyes to the reality of life and death. See the reality inside first hand and you will no longer accept any whitewashed version of the reality nor the hidden realities. You have seen and lived the truth and the reality, as have I, and we know what lurks out there.

sandwichone123 · June 7

@Bailey's Mom just a gleam of hope here: there are still cancers, but many more are treatable and they're not the death sentence they once were. I heard last week of an effective treatment for pancreatic cancer, one of the last major holdouts. Perhaps for the teens, Alzheimer's will be a manageable medical condition like diabetes, rather than the excruciating death sentence it is now.

Bailey's Mom · June 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274269#Comment_274269

That is true…although I have lost beloved family members and good friends to cancer recently…what about the wrinkles? Just kidding…I don't really have any.

Sad realization

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