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Did I do the right thing?

lzerbe
lzerbe Member Posts: 17
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

There was a notice in the mail that my LO would have to take a driver's exam in order to continue to hold her driver's license. In the report it stated quite clearly this is a result of her Alzheimer's diagnosis. My LO is in total denial, and any mention of Alzheimer's can become a trigger for agitated and aggressive behavior. I shredded the report didn't even show her. I guess I just need to know that I've done the right thing. Makes me feel very stressed.

Comments

  • Snipe
    Snipe Member Posts: 16
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    You did the right thing.

  • lzerbe
    lzerbe Member Posts: 17
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274374#Comment_274374

    Thank you, I will contact our insurer.

  • blacksparky
    blacksparky Member Posts: 309
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    Unfortunately we all have had to make those hard decisions regarding our PWD to keep them safe and to protect our finances.

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 335
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    Yes, you did the right thing.

  • beachwalker5
    beachwalker5 Member Posts: 22
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    YES

  • ChettheJet1
    ChettheJet1 Member Posts: 1
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    Hi. My wife was just diagnosed. I am her caregiver. I am torn about sharing diagnosis with her. She may be in denial. Neurologist said he believes in bringing honest. Thoughts?

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 6,588
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    @lzerbe

    Your wife likely has anosognosia which is a condition related to dementia wherein the individual in unable to recognize the changes in their cognition and thinking. In their mind, they're as capable as they've always been. This is not denial.

    I wouldn't remind her of her Alzheimer's. That said, I would never shred a paper trail.

    If she's not driving it doesn't really matter one way or the other. Dad's auto policy was void as soon as he was diagnosed/driving AMA. His license was from another state, and we continued to use it for ID as needed. In many places, when a drivers license is no longer valid, it is replaced with a state-issued photo ID. You may need to do that.

    HB

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 1,970
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    edited 12:41AM
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274421#Comment_274421

    Welcome. In my opinion- tell her one time and go from there. If she gets angry and denies symptoms, drop it and NEVER bring it up again. Anosognosia is common with dementia. There is often no amount of logic, reasoning or even medical evidence that will convince them something is wrong. Trying to get her to understand and accept will probably cause her to argue. Trying to explain will lead to an argument and you will always lose. If she accepts the diagnosis and wants more information, great, provide it. Keep in mind even if she accepts the diagnosis today, down the road she may not. Mom accepted her diagnosis and wanted more information (although she believed she was in the very very early stages). After about a year she told me the doctor made a mistake and they didn’t know what they were talking about. I would not put much stock in a neurologist that tells you to be honest with a person with dementia. Look up therapeutic fib. I will add a couple of resources.



    https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

    DBAT.pdf
    understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf
    Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf
  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 400
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76240/did-i-do-the-right-thing

    Definitely yes. It is your responsibility to keep your LO safe now, and she probably needs to stop driving. Insurance may not cover an accident if it is known that she has ALZ or any other form of dementia.

  • BPS
    BPS Member Posts: 501
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    I agree that it depends, because if your LO is not driving than there is no reason to bring it up, but if they are the notice would take the blame off you to get them to stop driving. My wife gave up driving easily but our insurance company was going to cancel our insurance because she was still licensed to driver I had to take her down and have her license revoked and get her a state ID card.

  • persevere
    persevere Member Posts: 250
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    Yeah, if she’s not driving then no big deal, however you do want her to have some valid form of identification if you’re still traveling or have other things still going on. Eventually you will need full power of attorney.

  • JDancer
    JDancer Member Posts: 588
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    Letting a PWD drive is never the right thing.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

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