Did I do the right thing?

Yes, you did the right thing.

Hi. My wife was just diagnosed. I am her caregiver. I am torn about sharing diagnosis with her. She may be in denial. Neurologist said he believes in bringing honest. Thoughts?

Welcome. In my opinion- tell her one time and go from there. If she gets angry and denies symptoms, drop it and NEVER bring it up again. Anosognosia is common with dementia. There is often no amount of logic, reasoning or even medical evidence that will convince them something is wrong. Trying to get her to understand and accept will probably cause her to argue. Trying to explain will lead to an argument and you will always lose. If she accepts the diagnosis and wants more information, great, provide it. Keep in mind even if she accepts the diagnosis today, down the road she may not. Mom accepted her diagnosis and wanted more information (although she believed she was in the very very early stages). After about a year she told me the doctor made a mistake and they didn’t know what they were talking about. I would not put much stock in a neurologist that tells you to be honest with a person with dementia. Look up therapeutic fib. I will add a couple of resources.

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

I agree that it depends, because if your LO is not driving than there is no reason to bring it up, but if they are the notice would take the blame off you to get them to stop driving. My wife gave up driving easily but our insurance company was going to cancel our insurance because she was still licensed to driver I had to take her down and have her license revoked and get her a state ID card.

Letting a PWD drive is never the right thing.

In my case I rode with my wife often and thought she was doing good. I just never thought about all the problems dementia causes related to driving. I didn't realize it but it had affected her depth perception and her field of vision had been reduced. It seemed like she was driving fine but with the unnoticed effects on her vision and her judgment she had two small accidents within several months. The insurance canceled us and we had to have her license revoked for me to be able to get insurance. Luckily her accidents were very minor but they could have been much worse. Even if you are taking safe guards by only driving close to home or with someone else it is not worth it. My wife still seemed fine but several months after that I realized that if the accidents were any bigger where the police would have been called they would be able to tell she was impaired because during the stressful time of an accident it showed up more. It really is not worth the risk to them or others.

@Barbie300

Your policy may require you to notify them as part of the contract. It likely also includes a clause relating to driving AMA.

Assuming you didn't notify them and there was a lawsuit, attorneys for either or both sides could subpoena relevant medical records in a lawsuit. If your DH is impaired enough that you don't let him drive alone, it's likely his cognitive incapacity would be obvious during a deposition.

I went through a lawsuit with my own mom who does not have dementia but has some vision issues. When this eye condition was diagnosed, I pointedly asked about driving and was assured she'd be OK to drive. One caveat about the process is that a lawsuit takes time and in the context of a defendant with a progressive neurological disease, time will not be on your side. My mom wasn't actually sued for about 6 months (April-October); she met with the insurance company's attorney 4 months (February) after that. and was disposed 2 (April— one year after the accident) months later. There were a few rounds of settlements offered that took another 4 months (August). After the last of those was rejected, a court date was scheduled for the following February and then postponed until May. They did eventually settle out-of-court. But it hung over our heads for over 2 years which was awful. While mom's cognition remained OK, physically she looked much older and frailer than they woman she was at the time of the accident.

If you are DH's POA in this situation, you could be held liable for damages as well.

HB