Roommates kids bringing in stuff for mom

H1235 · June 8

My mom is a hoarder! She lives in a nursing home with a roommate she really likes. It is almost impossible to get anything out of her room. My brother gave her popcorn in a tin for Christmas-she wants to keep the tin, she even saves empty single serve chip bags (no idea what that’s about), she saves all the cups they give her medication in(an entire drawer full), a pot with a plant that died months ago, so many bingo prizes!, I have a hard time getting empty pop cans…. Mom has always loved to sew, but just isn’t able. She believes she is as capable as she was 30 years ago and often demands material. When she was in Al my brother gave in to her demands and you would not believe how much material he had brought her. She can never get enough. We have not brought her material since she moved to the nursing home because she has no room and no need for it. I noticed she had material in a pile in her dresser. Mom told me her roommates daughters brought it in for her so she could sew, since I won’t bring her any. I am so mad! I know to an outsider i look horrible, but dont people understand that there is probably more to the story. I have no contact information for them and have never met them. If I complain (not even sure who I would complain to) mom will find out and that would not be good. The drawers are full so it’s probably going to stay right there blocking a nice picture of her and my dad and cluttering up her room even more. When she was in Al I would go in every now and then a clear out a few things while she was out with my brother. Her roommate would rat me out the minute mom got back to her room if I try that here. I guess nothing is a tripping hazard yet. I just need to chill. As I was leaving today mom told me to go down and tell the nurses she can leave with whoever she wants (a former roommate wanted to take her out and I didn’t feel comfortable with that and of course mom found out it was me). She said she was going to come with me to make sure I did it. I just left. She is very mad. I hate that I am always the bad guy.

SusanB-dil · June 8

Could you get the soda cans out by saying you are going to turn them in for recycling?

Would her roommate remember you removed things? Glad they get along, but other than running into roommate's family and telling them to stop, not sure how best to skirt around the issue.

Dang, I hate 'this' disease!

Quilting brings calm · June 8

I would inform the director and have them deal with the family. She can make sure the request to stop didn’t come from you. Honestly they can’t have people bringing items to other residents. What if someone brought nuts to an extremely allergic patient?

H1235 · June 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274371#Comment_274371

I told mom I would recycle them, she reluctantly agreed, but demanded I give her the money. Thankfully she forgot to ask for it when I saw her today. I didn’t ask for the cans this week (I just didn’t have it in me, since I know it’s going to be an issue) so that’s probably why she didn’t ask about the money from a few weeks ago. It’s not that I really care about the $1.20, but it’s going to add up over time and I won’t take her to the store to spend it (she would want to buy more crazy things she doesn’t need, have room for or shouldn’t even have) so what is the point. I think if the Roommates family does something like this again I will try to take some kind of action.

terei · June 9

I would arrange to have mother and roommate out of their room (lunch?) some outing? During an activity? Go in and take out whatever you want…repeat, repeat, repeat. Do this without her knowing you are in the building. Put the stuff in bags and drop them out the window if you have to.

terei · June 9

Oh, and take it direct to Goodwill.

Roommates kids bringing in stuff for mom

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