Thoughts on Travel

Michele P · June 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274385#Comment_274385

By the way, I am a retired teacher. My husband is the love of my life and my best friend. I understand everything you have said. It is different helping with care vs caring for a spouse you have built a life with. I would look for a therapist and in person support group for yourself. The therapist should have experience with dementia and caregivers. If not, they don’t understand what you are going through.

dayn2nite2 · June 10

Since your nature is to "fix", please know that there is nothing to fix here, so stop putting energy to it. This "therapy" or CBT, is useless for him. Medications are for the most part useless. Your energy should be put toward the VA social worker and getting resources in-house to assist you, along with respite services if available so you can travel alone. It really sounds like any travel will be more work than its worth.

Once you understand that there is no fixing to be done and put your energy toward taking care of yourself, the better off you'll be.

Michele P · June 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274495#Comment_274495

I just saw that your husband is rated 100 percent. Make sure that rating is total and permanent so that the tax exemption on your home follows to you. The in home care provider has to be VA approved. The VA will only pay for VA approved providers. Find ones in your area and call them to find out the services they provide in the home. Ask what is the most amount of hours they provide up to final stage. Get him on a waitlist for VA nursing home if there is one near you. That will be FREE. If not, get him on a wait list at a memory care facility with a refundable deposit. Your Aid and Attendance will give you a stipend that can be used for the monthly bill. You are looking at. $10,000 plus a month for memory care. The stipend will be a couple of thousand dollars. They will provide a skilled nurse if necessary along with in home therapies. At some point, he will lose the ability to stand and walk. They will look at your home and see what accommodations or renovations you might need. They will cover the cost for this. The social worker will explain all of this.

Barbie300 · June 10

I just saw a website for Elite travel +18888266836 and I am so excited to see that they have specialized cruises for people with dementia and their caregivers. The cruise I was looking at is Alaska, round trip from Seattle with out of the way small towns to visit. It was on Holland America Noordam, next April. There were several other trips listed as well. I thought it looked very promising.

SDianeL · June 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274239#Comment_274239

call or send a message to his PCP and ask for his Social Worker. Every veteran has one. Tell them he is home bound because you can’t leave him alone. You will be evaluated for a stipend, for respite care and many other things. They will provide shower chair, shower wand, walker, cane and later a wheelchair if he needs it. They will pay for day care and Memory Care. Private message me if I can help in any way.

micki517 · June 16

Thank you for all of the advice. We have an appointment with the PCP tomorrow morning (after it being rescheduled) and I am taking a very detailed list of questions and referral requests. It's sad that we have to get online to get answers that should be provided to us from within the system made to care for our veterans.

I have stopped his driving. We had the discussion day after day after day. He now knows and has worked to clean out the car and prepare it to sell. He has even been urging me to take that step to "save the cost of insurance." I'm just way too busy right now, but I plan to do the whole Carvana thing when I know I can be home for a few days without appointments. The keys are safely away and he has been fully accepting that it had to happen. He has had quite a few days of sadness since he can't get out like he enjoys doing, but I'm trying to find options.

I had my intake appointment with a new therapist this afternoon. She was great and gave me a bunch of numbers for VA people. She actually went to the VFW and gathered contacts for me. <3 I really like her and she has had her own family members struggle through this, so she got it.

On the travel - we have booked a Disney trip for January. We are staying on property at one of the resorts we know well. We can walk to two of the parks and take the monorail to another, which he loves. Animal Kingdom will be the only bus ride, which he hates, but we might just drive to it on the days we go there. He can't remember from day to day where we are staying or the exact dates we are going, but he knows we ARE going and is very happy. He has been researching meals, ways to save, and so many interesting topics related to the trip. We know Disney like the back of our hand, so it's weird to see him doing this, but I am just looking at it as him being excited for the trip. Now we just have to keep our fingers crossed that we can get the DAS pass so we can ride his favorites without stress, anxiety, and confusion.

And, as if my life isn't crazy enough already, we adopted a dog this weekend. We pick her up tomorrow afternoon. He had been wanting one for a long while, and I was always hesitant, but him losing the freedom to drive pushed me toward doing this for him. We had previously considered a service dog through the VA, but the wait lists are insane (Years). She will be a good companion and distraction for him. He went out today and put an exercise pen up for her (putting the door gates on upside down!). I'm excited for some cuddles and she is a sweet one!

Again, thank you all so much. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am. Your help has been incredible. I'm determined to have as many experiences I can have with this incredible man.

JDancer · June 16

I'm so glad you were able to stop the driving, thank you.

I suggest you purchase travel insurance for your trip.

Thoughts on Travel

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories