This disease has made it POSSIBLE to....

I have much more patience now with my wife.

Regarding family and friends relationships, I have learned that people do not want to be around a friend or family member.

This is not by their words but by their actions. I can understand people wanting to remember a person as she/he was but this is selfish on their part. If a person is a loving family member or a true friend, then he/she will take the person with Alzheimer's/Dementia as the person is now, not as she/he was in the past.

My wife is in a memory center that is 0.7 miles away. A 4-5 minute drive. Yet, no friends have visited her. In fact they hardly ever visited her when she was at home, even though they are only about 100 feet away (we live in an apartment building).

What really upset me was the second time her son and daughter-in-law visited. They live an hour away. Though they didn't say it this way, the way I heard it was "we are going to be in the area for someone's graduation so we might as well visit mom, too."

This disease has made it possible to - - - see what my husband must’ve been like when he was 3 or 4 years old.
Just kidding 😂

Seriously, yes, I’m learning patience, what marriage commitment really means, and to appreciate any little happy moments in life.

TBH, I put down any personal growth in patience, empathy and mad advocacy skills to parenting a child with special needs. I didn't need dad to be a better person.

Cobbling off what @Sunfish47 said, dad's dementia did give me a chance to see dad's personality before the onset of his mental health issues. Dad and I never had an easy relationship, so I was always suspicious of his doting old aunties who described him as the sweetest child they'd ever known. But sometime in late stage 6 a month or so before he died, his whole personality changed. He was conversational (albeit his own version of reality) until the end and the visits in those few weeks were some of the best times we ever spent together.

I learned that many things in life are actually quite minor and not worth spending time and effort worrying about. One ought to focus on important that really matter. The minor things can range from some material possessions, maintaining appearances, etc. It does depend on the person, of course.

You can argue that it's also a form of "letting yourself go" regarding health and appearances and not caring about a lot of things. One can also claim that these small things can be stress relief and diversions for the caregiver.

But I also feel that in pre-dementia life, one can be too particular about things that don't matter on the long-term.

This disease has made it POSSIBLE to...

• learn how to fix a faucet or a light fixture (etc) myself.
• forgive and forget past hurts without receiving an apology.
• feel tenderness and see the humor in things I used to resent.
• ask for help when I need it.
• feel gratitude for my own abilities.
• find solutions to issues I never imagined I would face.
• have greater empathy for others - knowing that everyone faces something difficult (whether we know about it or not).
• identify our real friends.
• find an online community I can turn to and feel accepted and understood.

Thank you all!

I have a family member that can't seem to find time to visit my DW. I know dementia is ugly and hard to see, but as a husband and a caregiver, I have to look at it every day, all day. People that choose not to visit because it's not convenient, or "they want to remember her like she used to be", ultimately miss out on a blessing by not visiting their family member. And they inadvertently hold back a blessing from the caregiver. Visits to a dementia patient can be a source of encouragement to the caregiver. Blessings to you and your wife.