When You Moved Your LO to MC…
I am trying to gather information for the future on how hard the process might be once you make the decision your LO needs MC. You hear nightmare stories of people desperately looking for MC and unable to find it or settling for sub-standard care. My goal is to avoid that happening.
1) Were you on a waiting list for MC for your LO?
If so, how long was the wait?
2) How many MC options were suitable for your LO once needed?
3) Did you ever place a deposit for MC and then turn down a placement offer because your LO didn’t need it at that time?
4) How far from your home did you end up looking for MC?
Any and all information on your placement journey will be very much appreciated.
Comments
-
I visited several places around town, but only put a deposit on one, about 20 miles from my house. Many of the others were more convenient, and this one wasn't the cheapest, but I thought they gave very good care, it came with strong recommendations, and it had excellent paths so my dh could walk and walk and never run into a locked door.
As it happened they had an opening just when I needed it. I ended up feeling a bit hurried, but was very happy to be able to get him in when I did because my job was getting more intense and he was unable to stay home alone any longer.
3 -
I toured 6 MCF all within a 25 mile radius of our house. I choose the facility that I believed would provide the best care and put down a deposit approximately 2 years before I placed my wife. In that 2 years I turned down multiple opening because I was not ready. When I finally decided to place her there was only one room available and a couple of families interested in it but since I had placed a deposit I had the first option on taking it.
8 -
I toured a few memory care places about couple of years ago and selected two that I liked. I was able to talk to people who had loved ones in the facilities. My DH has been in memory care for a week. He isn't in any of the places I chose because neither of them can provide the appropriate level of care for him. He is in a special locked wing of a memory care center. I couldn't have anticipated that he would become aggressive or that he would refuse care and often refuse to walk. He needs at least two care givers available 24 hours a day which makes home care impossible. Go ahead and do some research and take some tours but understand that a space may not be available when you need it and that care needs can change quickly.
So far I am very happy with the care my DH is getting. We can not afford it but there really isn't a choice. He is 4 miles away. I can drive or take a bus or ride my bike along a series of trails to get there. So far I visit every day.
6 -
1) Were you on a waiting list for MC for your LO?
If so, how long was the wait?
I live in an area that has quite a few MCFs. Only 2 I would have considered for dad have a wait list most of the time. The state-run veterans home which has a great masculine atmosphere and is considerably less expensive than any other option had a wait list of 6 months. The community-owned non-profit CCRC's lovely MCF has only 8 rooms which are at the lower end in terms of cost for the area; they don't offer an estimate on wait times.2) How many MC options were suitable for your LO once needed?
I toured a dozen places. A few corporate free-standing MCFs were inappropriate because they didn't accept Medicaid (my state doesn't allow Medicaid for MC); even if mom had unlimited funds, most of these cherry-picked their population for the pleasantly befuddled which was not dad.3) Did you ever place a deposit for MC and then turn down a placement offer because your LO didn’t need it at that time?
No. The facilities I toured were research for my Plan B as an adult child. Mom finally agreed to place him when he started murder-suicide ideation. I took her to look at my top 3 choices. She opted for the one closest to her (my #3) but dad wasn't accepted based on his diagnosis which has a reputation for "behaviors". We moved onto my #2 (veteran's home was my #1). Getting the contract vetted by her CELA and dad's physical and his TB test back added a couple days to the process which otherwise would have been about 5 days.4) How far from your home did you end up looking for MC?
Dad's MCF was about 6 miles/25 minutes from my home and 4 miles/10 minutes from mom. As a bonus, it was down the street from his brother who visited once and couldn't use distance as an excuse not to. That said, there are 6 CCRCs, 2 SNF and 5 MCFs in the same 6-mile radius.Dad got very good care in his MCF. He was more cooperative around assistance from the staff, who he saw as professionals helping him, than he was with mom. He didn't participate much but did enjoy the live music activities. The food wasn't great, but they offered an alternative soup and sandwich if he didn't care for an entree and they had a nice afternoon snack daily. One benefit to the move was that mom was able to stand down as hands on caregiver and go back to being a doting wife which was a real bonus.
Good luck with your search.
HB3 -
I have many MC’s in my area in Florida. I toured 6 facilities, all of which were suitable for DH. They ranged from 3 miles to about 10 miles. Surprisingly only one facility had a wait list (maybe because there are so many MC’s around?), all the others had availability at the time I was looking. I did not put down a deposit but it was only a matter of a couple of months before I had to place him. My first choice was, of course, the most expensive, but I was told they take in residents that other facilities would not (mainly behavior issues). It was not the most beautiful one because it was a little older but it never smelled and had a very cozy, homey feel. And like @sandwichone123 I chose it mainly because of the beautiful walking paths accessible anytime before dark. I talked with other spouses whose LO’s were there before making the decision and I was very happy with the care he got, even when he became very aggressive to the staff. They handled it in stride and he calmed down with some changes in meds.
5 -
I toured 4. Compared a few more online. Chose one; paid a $500 deposit. It's not far from home (and our kids' homes). Have kept MC informed of my DW's status. Turned down one opportunity. Another coming up soon, I think. Her neurologist was no help in determining DW status and need for MC. So I think she will be replaced. In her place I have the MC facility executive director and head nurse coming next week for a home visit "conversation" with my wife. I expect they will conclude MC would be appropriate for DW, but I will want to know if that means it is necessary now or sometime later. I know it is coming. My style is to try to time it perfectly but to move too early rather than too late.
What a slow painful trip this is.
4 -
The facility that I had decided on years before had two openings available when I made the decision.
1
Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more
Categories
- All Categories
- 698 Living With Alzheimer's or Dementia
- 402 I Am Living With Alzheimer's or Other Dementia
- 296 I Am Living With Younger Onset Alzheimer's
- 19K Supporting Someone Living with Dementia
- 5.9K I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)
- 9.3K Caring For a Spouse or Partner
- 3.4K Caring for a Parent
- 247 Caring Long Distance
- 206 Supporting Those Who Have Lost Someone
- 13 Discusiones en Español
- 1 Vivir con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- 1 Vivo con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- Vivo con Alzheimer de Inicio Más Joven
- 12 Prestación de Cuidado
- 3 Soy Cuidador (Temas Generales)
- 8 Cuidar de un Padre
- 23 ALZConnected Resources
- View Discussions For People Living with Dementia
- View Discussions for Caregivers
- Discusiones en Español
- Browse All Discussions
- Dementia Resources
- 8 Account Assistance
- 15 Help