Memory care questions

blacksparky · June 13

I’m in the process of finalizing my plan B for my DW with EOAD. I’ve got a couple of questions for those that have placed their LO into MC or SNF. How long did you stay away at the initial placement and once your LO was settled in how often did you visit and for how long each time. A question for those of you that placed your EOAD, how many months/years have they been there or when they passed. I’ve got enough savings for about 3 years of MC before I would be broke so I don’t want to place my DW too early. Yes I know it’s a crap shoot as everyone is different but just wondering.

Arrowhead · June 13

Two days after I placed my wife (in stage 6), I severely injured my ankle, which kept me away for a week. The staff told me that the only problem she had was learning which room was hers. Some units want you to stay away for whatever length of time they decide on. Hers did not. She's been in for 2 1/2 years and is now in the middle of stage 7. She's only about three miles from my house and I'm retired, so I visit her for about an hour every day except Sunday.

Timmyd · June 13

I have a science background so I am always interested in what the science says. I would assume some organization collects statistics related to the life expectancy of dementia patients once they enter memory care. I would think the companies that offer long term care insurance would need this type of information in order to price their product. Google says 2-3 years is average lifespan after entering memory care but I do not know if there is more data specific to EO patients.

Of course no one can tell you the specific information you really need. However, as with many things in life, the best you can do is just play the odds.

Sweetwater · June 13

My DH was in stage 6 when I placed him in MC. I visited him the next day and almost every day for about an hour. He passed 9 months after being placed.

annie51 · June 14

My DH was also in Stage 6 when I placed him in MC. The facility recommended I give him time to adjust but said I could come in anytime if I preferred that. I stayed away about 5 days and on my first visit he was glad to see me. After that I visited just about every day for 4 hours, arriving after lunch and staying until he sat down to dinner. He did not have EO, but the house doctor said most residents are not usually there more than 2 years…of course, there were exceptions. My DH passed after only 2-1/2 months - but it was from a heart attack, not the Alzheimer’s.

Good luck with your planning. Kudos for getting your Plan B in place.

sandwichone123 · June 14

My spouse was Stage 5 when I placed him at age 60. He died 3-3/4 years later.

When I first placed him I stayed away for two weeks, and when I started visiting I would leave when he started complaining. After about a month I could take him out for lunch and an outing once a week, which ended a year before he died because he was no longer appropriate in public (and to be honest I'm not sure he knew the difference anyway by that point).

tboard · June 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76268/memory-care-questions

My DH has been in memory care for three months. I visit often but if I didn't visit at all he would be just fine. He is in a later stage of dementia and never asks about the house or coming home or about the cat that misses him. He will be 78 next month. There is no way of knowing how long he will live. I can pay for his care for about a year. I'll apply for medicaid for him a few months before funds run out. I am more or less giving up my own retirement to pay for his care. None of this is easy. Planning for the future would be much easier if we knew what we and our spouse will die of and at what age.

BPS · June 14

My wife was diagnosed 10 years ago with EO at 62 years old. 2 years and 3 months ago she had a stroke so she went straight from the hospital to rehab to MC. I had visited her every day in the hospital, so it was normal for me to visit daily in her "new rehab". I would stay for about an hour. She is on hospice now, but even that can go quite a while. There quite a few residents there that were there when she moved in. Others have come in and died with in a month or two.

easy23 · June 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76268/memory-care-questions

My DH was diagnosed at age 64 with vascular dementia. I placed him in MC at age 70, two years ago - stage 6. I didn't visit for the first 5 days.

He is now in a SNF due to health issues that the MC could not handle. I visit almost every day for an hour or more. I leave when he starts asking to go to his childhood home or to work. He is currently in stage 7 and on hospice.

White Crane · June 14

My DH has been in MC for 2 years and5 months. He went straight from the hospital to MC so I had to take his clothes and other belongings to him the next day. I wasn't going to visit him but the Administrator urged me to. It went well and I have been visiting him two to three times a week ever since. Most visits are at least an hour or more and on Sundays I have lunch with him and stay longer.

With the help of an Elderlaw Attorney, I was able to qualify him for Medicaid about six months after placement. She helped me preserve assets so I have enough to live on, I did have to do a spend down but the money went to buying a small level ranchstyle house so I could move from our 100 year old three story home that needed repairs. Without her help, I would have been broke, stuck in thata big old house and on Medicaid myself.

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