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Groovy's Girl
Groovy's Girl Member Posts: 49
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

Some things have been changing with my 79-year-old DH…

  1. Found out last week that he no longer can be relied on to get back in the vehicle so no more shopping with me.
  2. He doesn't yet qualify for hospice care. He is too healthy.
  3. Occasionally, I have to feed him.
  4. He is completely incontinent.

I decided that I need some help. A caregiving service is coming this afternoon to do an assessment. I have been crying daily and feel like I'm about to burn out (pr "burn in" like a fighter jet), so I'd like to have something off my plate, namely showering . I'll come back to let you know how that goes.

Comments

  • Sunfish47
    Sunfish47 Member Posts: 140
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    If you’ve been doing it all so far by yourself, please be kind to yourself. Two or three days a week, a few hours each day, I think can go a long way to preserve your sanity.
    Ive made arrangements for someone to come in two days a week - for four hours per day - starting next week, to give me a break. My own health is okay right now, and I don’t want to risk it. If I outlive my DH, I’d like to be healthy enough to enjoy whatever years I will have left. I am 77, he is 84.

  • jgreen
    jgreen Member Posts: 514
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    Member

    Dear @Groovy's Girl

    So glad you have a care-giver service coming. I hope that gives you some time to re-charge.

    I too was feeling burnt-out, overwhelmed, weepy, etc., etc. Finally made up my mind and found a local behavioral health practice and am now routinely seeing a psych nurse practitioner and a counsellor. Anti-anxiety meds are helping me keep my mood better controlled so I don’t ’fly off the handle’ when DH gets to the point that I lash out. I highly recommend doing something like that to take care of yourself.

    And for those who want to find out what will qualify your LO for hospice, here is a link:

    https://www.capc.org/documents/download/1172/ . From the ‘Center to Advance Palliative Care’

  • Groovy's Girl
    Groovy's Girl Member Posts: 49
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    Member

    I have some anti-anxiety meds that I increased after my last appointment. I told myself for a long time that it's "no big deal" when all I'm doing is just sitting next to him and knitting. But it IS a big deal because it's caregiving 24/7. There's always something that's lingering my mind. I know I'm fortunate that he doesn't wander, and that I can leave him to go run errands, but that doesn't lessen the stress AT ALL. We should all be proud of ourselves for making whatever moves we can to take care of ourselves.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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