Checking in…

I come here pretty often just to vent. I'm living with my mother with dementia. Periodically, she will have episodes where she is calling for help, wants us to call the police and wants to go home. No matter what we say or show her the house she is in is not 'home". She doesn't know where "home" is but it's not where she is. This is common, I know. She had an episode today. Sometimes taking her outside will calm her down. Not today. We had to get help from the neighbors to get her back in the house. When she gets like this we will break down and give her Xanax. Basically drugging her. She woke up a couple of hours later. She recounts childhood incidents, not having been around then I don't know what is true. Some I know is not but a recurring theme is she is a disappointment to her father. She has also told us that he was a housepainter, which is probably true. That she was always in trouble and an embarrassment. She told me today that the end was going to be difficult and that she has never been happy. She has told my sister that she has never been happy. We had quite a conversation about that. Happiness, family/personal expectations. She told me that she was expected to go to medical school. During that era women usually did not. The real surprise, if it's true, is that she is homosexual. She suspects that her father was unfaithful. Her mother suspected too. What do you do with this kind of information? I am trying to get a home health aid, which she refers to as a babysitter. The Aide really doesn't have to do much just keep my mother occupied and get me out of the house once in a while. Finding one that is available when I need them, at a price I can almost afford is, at best, challenging. Medicare pays for 72 hours spread out over 365 days. Can they spare it? We don't qualify for Medicaid. Burnout is setting in. Everyone talks about taking care of yourself, I haven't figured out how or when. Time is always an issue. I briefly tried a support group but I can no longer make the time and I don't think any of them live with their pwd. It makes a big difference.

Thanks for listening.

It is good to hear from you, and that things have 'sort of' settled down.

Sounds like you are doing better as well. ((hugs))

Good to know you're around Anonymousjpl 123! It sounds like you're balancing everything well.

How nice that your mom has her contents, which is the best we can hope for. Your 'Sometimes she’s super happy when I visit, sometimes very annoyed" made me smile—sometimes Mom would get distracted if a nurse or aide came in while I was there, and when she'd return her attention to me she would clearly think I was some aide who. would. not. leave. LOL- she'd be so irritated! I got really down in the dumps just watching the long drawn out losses, but had braced for it for years, and so happy for Mom when she was freed and whole again. I think my reaction startled the rest of the family, but my gosh, it was 6 years of grieving the slide all the time, people…