What to expect at the end

If talk of death/dying upsets you, please skip.

My husband died last night. Thanks to hospice, he was able to take his final breath in a hospital bed in our living room. As a hospital nurse for 20+ years, I witnessed many deaths. While each situation is unique, my husband's passing followed a fairly predictable course. With this in mind, I'd like to hare our experience in the hopes that it may help others.

Dying is the body shutting down. Food and water consumption decreases and often stops, reducing bowel and bladder output. My husband didn't have a BM for 10 days and only small amounts of dark urine. Consciousness can fluctuate. In his last days, my husband squeezed my hand several times and reached out to stroke my face. It's hard to be at the bedside when someone's dying, but the more time you spend the more likely you'll receive these gifts. People can hear you in their final days. Say all those things you want them to hear !

Day one-Something was different. Intake was sporadic for several days. Breathing heavy. Pulse was 140, respirations 30. Oxygen saturation above 90%. I called hospice to inform them we were near the end.

Day 2- No food or water. Able to respond with a nod to yes/no questions. Gave pain and anxiety meds crushed in applesauce. Pulse 110-135. resp 30-36. Oxygen sat above 90%

Day 3-Same as day 2, Resperations rapid, but very regular. Stomach rises and falls with each breath.

Day 4 Rarely responds, other than frowning. Crushing meds in a small amount of water and placing under tongue, Pulse 120-130. Resp 30-36. Unable to get an oxygen saturation.

Day 5- Barely responsive. Laying quietly with eyes open. As a person loses muscle function, it's difficult to close eyes because it requires muscle action. I occasionally close his eyes, but they open after a few minutes. Arms and lower legs slightly cool to touch.

Day 6- One foot is turning blue. One hour before death respirations became irregular and labored. Lower jaw opens with each breath. Morphine can help with this, it's called air hunger. Lower limbs begining to mottle, starting at the feet and progressing toward the head. As he took his final breaths, respirations slowed, then stopped. There's sometimes long pauses before breathing stops. Eyes remain open and jaw slack after death. I held eyes shut and mouth closed for a minute to correct this.

Feel free to ask questions if you have any. This is so much easier to discuss eletronically than verbally