Days are getting tougher

Geot · June 21

Over the last week or so my DW who consistently identified me as her father is now thinking I am her grandfather as well. When her grandfather leaves, I automatically become her father again. Whatever she thinks I am I just go along with it as best as I can. It becomes especially hard when I have things to do and she wants to stop me from doing them because she says, "don't do that because that's what my husband wants to do". When she does recognize me as her husband, she constantly starts complaining what her father or grandfather did while I was gone. I had to run out for a while to do some grocery shopping and she thought her grandfather did the shopping and later in the day when I was her husband, she started telling and showing me all the groceries her grandfather bought as if I had never seen them before…very frustrating to say the least. I find it very hard now to do all the chores around the house I need to keep up with being I feel now I am taking care of a child that needs total supervision.

Just venting…thanks for listening

Windsock · June 21

Good morning! I’m with you, Brother! Frustrating to the point of thinking we should move to something smaller or Independent Living. Things can’t get done as I can’t leave her alone at all to even work outside. Sorry, others will have good words I just needed to join you in venting! Hang in there!

jgreen · June 21

Hi, @Geot

Please forgive me - I know you’ve posted before but forgot if you have in-home care of any sort (like family members, friends or paid help). Reason I ask is that you may want to consider help in the form of light housekeeping, grocery shopping, and maybe prepared meals that you just heat up so you can be that full-time supervision for your DW. That way you can relieve some of that stress of trying to do it all.

I found information on the GUIDE program that offers some financial assistance to pay for some of these services. I plan to contact my local Agency on Aging this week to see how to enroll. I am at the point where some light housekeeping around my place would take some of that stress off my shoulders.

https://www.cms.gov/priorities/innovation/innovation-models/guide

God bless you for hanging in there. Your DW is so lucky to have you by her side.

Maru · June 21

Sounds like you have great skills for adapting and shifting gears to fit with your DW's mental status.

annie51 · June 21

It’s very tough when they get to that point of needing total supervision. It’s almost untenable for one person to handle. And then to have to figure who you “are” at any given moment (husband, father, grandfather) it makes it that much harder. For me, even just 2 hours a couple times a week with a companion caregiver was a blessing!

Geot · June 21

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275548#Comment_275548

@jgreen…No..I do not have any other outside caregiver at the moment. I know I will have to do this at some point but I'm afraid my DW will not like this at all and will not be too happy with it…..I'm struggling with this decision.

Geot · June 21

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275556#Comment_275556

@Maru…thank you for the comment…it boosted my confidence

blacksparky · June 21

I brought in a caregiver for two times a week for 2 hours each time. The first week I stayed with my DW and the caregiver like it was just a friend stopping by to visit. I think this helped my DW with the new person.

Geot · June 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275548#Comment_275548

Hi, @jgreen

I will certainty look into the GUIDE program…thank you

jgreen · June 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275631#Comment_275631

💝

Chance Rider · June 22

I haven’t yet been faced with my husband not recognizing me, but I have been taking steps to get him used to having someone else in our home. 2 weeks ago I hired a housecleaner to come in for 2 hours every other week. I told my husband that I wasn’t doing a good job keeping up and that I needed help. True, but my main purpose was to get him used to someone new being in the house so that hopefully he’ll accept having someone in the house to just watch over him from time to time. Will it work over the long run… I don’t know but it’s worth a shot.

I hope you’re able to find help with household chores. It’s already lifted weight off me.

Geot · 10:17AM

I am so grateful for all the comments and suggestions everyone has offered. I just have to find the right solution that will work for my DW….and also for me. She is already delusional about people being in the house and starts hiding things, so they don't look at or steal them.

Days are getting tougher

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