next step with incontinence when no diaper products work
I am so fed up with wet sheets, blankets, clothing blankets etc. I posted in May and got lots of good suggestions on better products than Depends, but even with products that say Maximum absorption, he is wet every night. This morning I got him up at 5AM changed everything and at 830 he and the bedding were completely wet again. I tried a med called Miabrigone but no changes.
Anyone know what the next step is? I am frustrated, angry, tired, blaming him for what of course may not be his fault. But why cant he just get up and go like he did for 20 years or so? How can he just lie there in wet clothes and bedding till I force him to shower and change?
This is the worst part of dementia. With all the other changes I felt I could deal with it with compassion, understanding and accommodation. But now I am lost.
Comments
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First of all I am so sorry that you are facing this part of the dementia. Unfortunately our LO’s brains are damaged and dying more as each day goes on. I will be totally honest here, I’ve been caring for my DW for over 4 years, thinking that I was doing a great job. Well when the incontinence started just about a month ago, I tried to accept it but got more angry as each bed sheet and clothes were in the wash. This extra work on top of everything else ( showering, dressing, medications and so forth) I hit my limit. I am now going to my plan B and preparing for MC facility. No I really can’t afford this but I’m afraid what will happen if I continue caring for my DW. I guess I can say that this was the straw that broke the camels back.
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Yes - I get it. It has been 2 months non stop for me with the incontinence and it is so difficult. I view him differently, as if he should know better. But you are right. it is part of the disease.
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It might sound terrible but men like to.mark territory, find a fake tree or get a giant can make it look inviting to urinate on in prepare floor ? Sometimes we have to think outside the norm whatever that is and really look into "what will work for us" . People sometimes think incontinent products don't have to come with a price if we just go " caveman ,wildness, I've noticed over years of diversity of cultures urination and dedication is a something everyone has to do. Use ingenuity?
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I'm sorry you are feeling this way and going through this. Basically info so please forgive me if it's not useful. Get the washable bed pads to put under him. Put double or triple layers so you don't have to wash sheets. I got the Dry Direct briefs. They are better but don't solve all problems. Can you limit fluids in the evening? If he takes any kind of water pill, give that in the morning. Use a protective ointment like A&D or Zinc Oxide to protect his skin when he is wet. Do as much as you can to care for yourself.
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I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. It’s exhausting and frustrating to say the least! The incontinence is often the point that puts caregivers over the edge. I used a large washable bed pad under him to try to keep the sheets from getting wet (well at least the bottom sheet). It worked most of the time. I also had an extra tuck in pad that I put under the sheet to protect the waterproof mattress pad from getting wet (that would have been a pain to change out, it was there as a last resort protection for the mattress). This is the tuck in pad I used:
For me, it wasn’t so much the incontinence itself but the battles I would have when trying to keep him changed and dry. He became very aggressive and physical with me when I tried to help, but I couldn’t leave him in the wet pull-ups. This became unbearable and was when I started seriously looking at MC’s.
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I am so sorry. Additional laundry on top of all the other responsibilities of caregiving and keeping your household together is beyond frustrating.
A couple points nobody mentioned:
1. When assisting or putting on a pull-up style product, make sure his penis is not pointed up towards his waist or sideways towards the leg openings.
2. Some men adjust themselves which can undo the care you took to avoid leaking. This can be stopped by dressing him in a one-piece garment that zips up the back.HB
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Is he a diabetic or been checked for it?
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would he tolerate a Texas catheter. Its looks like a condom, has a tube that attaches to a bag. both reg bag and leg bag are available.
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Try Cardinal Health- "Wings Contoured Insert Pads. 13" X 24". Look on Amazon. You insert them inside the diaper. They're super absorbent and worked wonders for my DH.
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I am sorry you are going through this. I don't know the specific difficulties with incontinence with men but have been dealing with this issue for years now.
Every product is going to have its limits, but I believe you should be able to find a solution that is more manageable. Fit has a lot to do with whether the products work well. You will need to find a product you like that fits well to prevent leaks. In addition to that, try using a disposable mattress pad on top of a large washable mattress pad. Nothing should be getting through all of that to the sheets.
Depending on how long your husband sleeps, you will need to determine a routine that works for both of you. How many hours is he sleeping?
I would be happy to send you links to some of the products that have worked for us and answer any specific questions.
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Pretty much everything has been covered except I didn’t see the suggestion to take him to the bathroom frequently. Whether he says he has to go or not just take him every hour or so.
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The only thing that fixed it for my DH was the Purewick System. External catheter they use in hospitals. Spendy, but worth every cent. Get one, you won’t regret it. You’ll only ask yourself why you waited so long.
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You might try a company called Because, they have several options as far as amount of liquid they will hold.
I use the 6 cups on my precious with and so far so good.
Good luck.
CWB
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
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AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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