Validating

RoniP · June 28

I guess what I need is advice on how to deal with my mother's decline. Tonight she called me to tell me that she thinks someone drugged her because she slept past dinnertime (she lives in a memory care facility). I don't want to "humor" her by validating her fears because I don't think that's healthy. But, I don't know how to respond. Any suggestions?

JulietteBee · June 28

Hi there! I am so sorry you are faced with that dilemma.

I also would not feel comfortable "humoring" my mom in that situation. However, I would tell her that those are serious allegations and you are going to look into it. Whether you do, or you don't, will be up to you. I would at least tell the nurse manager or nursing supervisor of the facility. Maybe they can instruct their nurses to tell mom the name of the medication they are giving her during their med pass.

My acutely aware mother still knows the name of the meds she is on. Maybe your mom does too and by identifying them by their name she will realize nothing new or different has been added to the mix.

All the best!

sandwichone123 · June 28

When my dh would tell me thing like that, I'd say something like, "Oh my goodness! I'll check with the staff."

My expressions of surprise were always neutral, neither accept nor deny: oh my goodness, wow, that's amazing, whatever. Then if I felt the need I could promise follow up. Over time, he cared less about the follow up.

caregiving daughter · June 30

I agree with previous responses. To me, it's a balance of understanding your parent has dementia as well as knowing there might be a kernel of truth in what is being said. It's obviously unlikely that anyone drugged her independently; however, it's very possible a new caregiver, with a different color scrubs, gave her medications in the afternoon. She may have napped and they may have allowed her to go right through dinner.

When your mom says something serious like this, I definitely would listen attentively. I might then also investigate a bit.

pamu · June 30

My mom (in MC) has told me and other staff on several occasions that she thinks she’s being poisoned. The only thing we can do is ask her why and try to gently comfort and divert. My mom refused one of her meds for two weeks then for no reason agreed to take it again. On the same note make a formal request with the care team to ensure she is woken up for meals. It’s possible they tried and she was just too tired. At some stage PWD sleep more and eat less but it doesn’t sound like she’s at that level yet.

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