questioning my experience with DH

I think this is very very common. I saw symptoms with my DH way before anyone else would have noticed. You just know in your gut as @H1235 said because you’re living the details day after day - he had trouble telling time, he couldn’t remember our zip code, then our address, repeated questions. These are things that friends or family would not see unless they were living with him. I think someone that has been through the dementia journey as a caregiver might be able to spot it, but the average person may not be aware. After a few years in, I realized that some of his behaviors that I did not attribute to his dementia were probably, in fact, manifestations that I only learned later could have been part of the disease.
We’re here for you with any questions, big or small, as you go through this journey.

I’m going to offer a slightly different take. I think that sometimes it’s just the nature of the interaction. My Mom is unable to follow basic direction/instructions, address an envelope, do any math, reliably use a calendar, figure out how to get into her car with a dead battery with both the key and key fob in hand, reliably use the TV remote controls, etc. She literally did not recognize when my Dad experienced a medical emergency. Didn’t let anyone know. Didn’t call 911. Her neuro psych evaluation was much shorter than anticipated because she didn’t understand what was being asked of her in some instances. She forgot that she moved what most people would consider to be a large sum of money. She’s pleasant enough and quite capable of carrying on a conversation though. The number of people who still think that she should be able to live at home independently and/or drive a car based solely on that ability is nothing short of shocking. Your day to day experience with him is very different than a social interaction.

I can't really add any more to what's already been said. I'm a few years in now, and at the start, nobody but me could see the differences in his behavior. Now it's loud and clear. Hang in there, and like blacksparky said, go with your gut. You know your DH better than anyone else.

I know exactly what you mean!! I've questioned myself even without input from friends and family, complicated by the fact he has always had severe OCD and has always thought differently from most people. So when he does something a little odd, I ask myself: is this the Alzheimer's or his usual idiosyncrasies 🤔? And does it even matter? 😄. When I tell someone he is in early stage or mild dementia stage, I also tell them that people who know him well do not see a difference. But I do, because I live with him.

I recognized a few years ago that something was going on…my DH had always handled his own medical appointments, etc., but I decided to take over and join him for his annual physical that year. His PCP at the time simply laughed off my concerns and did not take me seriously until I insisted that he give DH a "mini-mental" cognitive test, which he failed completely. Since then we have changed doctors and seem to have much better care, but I still face specialists (eye doctor, podiatrist, etc.) who seem incredulous since he showtimes so well. I took him to the ER last weekend to examine his thumb - he was in extreme pain and we needed to make sure that it wasn't broken. I had a very difficult time persuading them that I needed to accompany him. They wanted me to wait in the waiting area, but my DH really wasn't able to answer their questions and definitely would not have been able to pay the insurance copay that they asked for in the exam room!! I argued with the front desk until they let me go back with him, but I would have been called back anyway once they saw past his highly competent persona!! I do sometimes question my own sanity though since he goes through extremely lucid phases; makes me sometimes feel gaslit. (thumb is fine by the way 🤔)

I'm experiencing alongside you.
Living this now with some of My Mate's (DW's) newer HC-providers. MediCAL seems to be motivated primarily to not pay for care, crucial/vital or not. I get the urge to contain costs paid by tax dollars, sort of, but it's an obstruction to vital care. We have a formal Dx. This isn't the flu, it's not normal aging. I'm observing progression from MCI into early stage YOA, yet I'm constantly running up against providers who just don't want to go there—like, I'm handing you the chart, the Dx, the scans & reports but you don't want to accept it? Like, the SCIENCE says, but they don't care. "She seems fine"… well, have you noticed she didn't know where she was just now, then asked for my help to remember where & why she's here?! Then I'm treated like I'm imaging it, that I'm some sort of abusive/manipulative husband trying to make stuff up about his wife (?!) Why would I do THAT?! Why would anyone in this situation do that? It's so demoralizing and makes me second guess what I'm seeing—were it not for my own detailed daily documentation, all the testing, direct fam history, the gene, the PETScan's evidence, the Neuro's Dx, etc. I've been with this amazing vibrant woman for 38 years. I KNOW this isn't normal.
Hang tough. Solidarity ✊