Venting

I come here to vent often. I tried a support group they were lovely but none of the other participants were living 24/7 with their pwd. I also lost my HHA and couldn't take the time anymore. I'm looking for a new HHA now. My mother has vascular dementia and LATE. We're in our second year with it, the prospect of this continuing for another three to seven years is daunting. Recently she had an incident where while I was taking a shower she decided to take a walk. I had locked the front door but forgotten to take the key. She went outside, down the short flight of stairs and was in front of the house. Fortunately, she hadn't gone far or fallen. She needs a walker and didn't take it with her. She is always looking for "home". I appreciate that "home" is not a physical place but she insists and gets annoyed when we ask where it is she wants to go. We need an address, sometimes she describes these houses. I don't know if they exist, there is no street address and she definitely does not live there, nor do we know who does (if the houses exist). When she gets too agitated we give her Xanax which I did last night but then she woke up and was afraid that her precious teddy bear, along with her, were going to be thrown in the trash. That is new. It took a long time to settle her down. She is reluctant to take the Xanax because she knows what it does. The sleeping aspect of it has not be working. She was pretty much up all night. We are at wits end. It is rare that she knows who I am. Lately, I've been my deceased father's deceased sister. Even if we wanted to put her in a facility, Medicare covers squat.

I'd take the opportunity to leave the house now for a little while but I don't know if I have 20 minutes or an hour. If she wakes up and I'm not here, that could get a little ugly.

Thanks for listening.