Stressed Rambling Because I'm new to This

Have you applied for FMLA leave? That protects your job for a 12 week leave in a calendar year. It can be a full leave or intermittent - taking days off as you need them.

Welcome. This is the perfect place to vent and people often know of resources that you wouldn't think of. I vent ALL the time here. It's safe and it helps. I don't have the legal/monetary issues as my mother was very wise that way and set some things up way before hand. My mother is less argumentative than yours but still the constant monitoring is exhausting and the "conversations" are challenging at best. I never know what is real and what is fantasy from her past. She is constantly seeking "mother". Her mother is dead 60 years and she's mine. We still don't know who she is looking for and she can get very agitated to the point of sedation. "Home" is the other place she is always wanting to go to. There is no address, location or anything and she does not want to accept that the place she currently is is home. Her circadian cycle is way off, which is very common. Some medications work but you have to use trial and error to find one. I am in year two of her dementia and at this point, totally burned out. If you can get 24/7 home health aid that might be easier and not necessarily more expensive than a facility. If you have Medicaid it pays something, Medicare pays squat. Accept that you probably cannot please her, just find the least objectionable and what works best for both of you. In NY there is a form, Patient Review Instrument, that needs to be filled out by a doctor before a facility will accept her. I've looked into it but we do not qualify for Medicaid at this point so the cost is prohibitive. Everyone here will tell you to take care of yourself. I know how hard that is. Take what pleasure you can, when you can. I cry a lot. It's a long road with no light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't have much of a life before, now I don't even know what one is.

We're here.

Thanks for listening.

welcome and I’m sorry you are dealing with this! It sounds like you have gotten a lot done, and I’m glad to hear you are working with an attorney on guardianship.

Becoming a caregiver for a loved one with dementia is incredibly difficult but becoming a loved one for a parent who you didn’t have the best relationship with is a special kind of hell. I believe the most important thing is shoring up supports for yourself so you can weather this storm. That may mean therapy, meds, and I would definitely try to work with HR (although radio silent is definitely not good); I would also ask yourself if maybe work would be good for you. I know for me, if I hadn’t kept working would have gotten sucked in deeper than I could have handled.

I would visit a few MC facilities and see what you think; also, remember this is a marathon not a sprint and in my opinion stage 5/early stage 6 are so so so much harder than when it truly advances. Your LO still knows enough to be aware of the changes, but not enough to understand. I had an awful 2 years with my mom in this stage. It has gotten easier, sadly, as the disease progresses because as long as she is safe, respected by staff, and cared for, she’s ok. She hardly talks, but sometimes she’s not right there mentally. We’ve found the right med mix and she’s settled in her MC.

3 years ago - when my mom was closer to where yours is - I was so stressed out I truly didn’t know if I would make it. It’s been 5 years since I became my mom’s caregiver and trust me this is a marathon not a sprint. You want the oxygen mask on yourself. I’m glad you found this place - lots of good, practical support from people who know firsthand here.