Ideas for managing bad habits

Wednesday · July 2

My MIL has taken to spitting in the house. She'll eat a meal, and I guess bits of food will stay in her mouth, even though we tell her to stay at the table until she's finished swallowing and try to get her to drink before leaving the room. Once she gets settled in the living room, she'll start spitting those bits of food into the air. It's really gross and distresses me. I just bought this house and I feel like I spend most of my time defending it from her uncleanliness. Handing her a napkin or a Kleenex does no good. We've reacted in the past but even though we clearly JUST saw what she did, she lies and says she did no such thing.

We can't get her to cooperate when it comes to her own comfort either. She had some springtime allergies that bothered her eyes. They have LONG since been resolved (per the doctor, there's nothing wrong her eyes now) but she persists in putting her fingers in them and rubbing "to get out the grit". Needless to say we're concerned she's going to get them infected for sure, and the skin around her eyes is red and inflamed from mid-morning on. I've gotten her eye makeup remover wipes and keep one near her spot and visible at all times, thinking at least if she rubs with those it'll keep her fingers off her face. The wipes just sit there till they dry out.

There are other self-destructive behaviors too, nothing super serious, just things that are persistently causing her unnecessary discomfort or that are generally unsanitary. Any tips for managing stuff like this?

April23 · July 2

This isn’t much help but I did want to mention that my dad’s caregivers started using these every morning and it has helped my dad’s eye health considerably (he was getting very stubborn styes). If she’ll allow it or do it herself it’s worth a try. Hygiene is always a struggle and it’s one reason I keep a part-time caregiver for my dad as he will allow her to help with things like oral care, etc. I can’t help with the other, sorry, hopefully someone will have suggestions. Maybe she should see a dentist to rule out any oral discomfort. Perhaps a talk with whomever manages her meds might be in order.

OCuSOFT Lid Scrub Pre-Moistened Pads Original Eyelid Cleanser

H1235 · July 2

I can’t really think of anything you can do to change her behavior. I don’t know how you can physically stop someone from spitting. Could you take steps to protect the house and furniture. Im thinking some kind of easily washed mat around her chair. Maybe a cover of some sort to protect the chair that again could be easily taken off and washed. For her eyes, if she believes she has allergies, maybe some saline drops would help with the eye irritation. Play along with her belief that she has allergies and tell her the doctor prescribed them for her. I would I tell her the doctor wants you to apply the drops. There is also a soothing eye wipe available over the counter that might give her some relief from her constant eye rubbing. I would recommend you try a fib for why she needs to do things (or not do things). If bathroom hygiene is an issue (or maybe even with other issues), you may need to insist on being more involved. If she gets angry, see her doctor about medication. It might not hurt to talk with her doctor anyway. These behaviors might be her way of expressing anxiety. I hope someone comes along with better ideas for you.

notequipped · July 2

I’ve got nothing on this one but completely understand. My Mom constantly has a finger in her left eye, left ear or picking at her teeth. I have individually packaged wetting drops available at all times for her that she does sometimes use. I will encourage her to go brush her teeth if she feels like she has something stuck without much success. I tend to think that my Mom has just become fidgety - it’s something to do. I’ll ask her why is she picking at fill in the blank and now she’ll tell me just to give me something to complain about. Her hand hygiene isn’t the best and I worry about infection. Not to mention that instead of pouring out a serving of crackers, chips, pretzels, etc out, her hands often go in.

Wednesday · July 2

Thank you all, I will try the eyelid cleanser. She does take to "medicine" well, and is generally compliant if we tell her the doctor said this cream/gel/pill is necessary. I tried using just sterile eye lubricant and saline spray, but y'all are spot-on — picking and scratching is her ONLY daily activity outside of meals and bathroom visits.

We can't get her interested in any sort of activity. She sits in one spot all day long and stares out the window. She won't listen to music or watch TV or flip through a magazine or do puzzles or anything. She just stares at the squirrels and birds, or she naps, while we both work from home.

I'm sure there's dental discomfort. She has few teeth left and she's struggling with a partial plate because one of the anchor-teeth broke recently, but her planned dental trip had to be rescheduled when she needed pacemaker surgery. The best we can do is get her to rinse her mouth with salt water every few days. She goes back for her rescheduled dental appointment in about a week, and we begin the process of getting her full dentures. That'll be fun I'm sure.

I'm just grateful I can somehow get her into the shower once a week and my husband gets her to the stylist every two weeks for a wash and set. When she starts refusing to shower — and there has been some token resistance — that's one of my lines in the sand, and my husband is in agreement. I just need him to get on the stick and start seriously planning for the day she needs a facility. It may never be necessary but I know what it's like to look for care when you don't have the luxury of time.

H1235 · July 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/276411#Comment_276411

In my area there can even be a waiting list to get in. Mil and my mom both waited 6 months. A waiting list usually allows you to turn it down if you are not ready and then remain at the same place on the list without being mover to the bottom.

atl86 · July 8

My Mom began the issue with rubbing her eyes "because there is gunk in them." I thought the issue was dry eyes and started giving her drops, but it didn't stop the rubbing. She's in MC now and is still rubbing her eyes even though the staff administer eye drops twice a day. Anti-anxiety medication didn't stop her from rubbing her eyes. After several years of this behavior, her bottom lids have drooped and turned inside out. It looks really uncomfortable, but the doctor says the only fix is eyelid surgery, which is obviously out of the question. The newest problem is with her teeth. But that is another story.

H1235 · July 8

I bought OCuSOFT lid scrub. I found it was the actual lid of her eye that was itching.

Wednesday · July 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/276877#Comment_276877

That is exactly what I'm afraid is going on. I did try the lid scrub and it doesn't seem to be making a difference. I think it's become a nervous habit now and since my husband's reminders don't stop it, and the pain doesn't stop it…I think we're stuck.

But I appreciate all the advice, thank you!

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