Daily changes

Denise1958 · July 1

My LO is very hateful towards me. I can't seem to do anything right to please him. However, when other people come around, he is very charming and kind and some people can't tell there's anything wrong. I feel like I live on adrenaline because I feel like I walk on eggshells. I am getting VISITING ANGELS to come for eight hours a week which will help. I do leave him alone, but not more than a couple hours of time because he will call me and be mad. Wonder where I am even if I've left a note. He hasn't wondered and he doesn't bother anything in the kitchen, so I haven't been too concerned about leaving him alone. It's hard to tell the stage. I don't really understand cause sometimes he seems like he's really bad and then other times I feel like maybe I'm making it up. He accuses me constantly of having affairs or taking his money. He wears depends night, but handles the bathroom by himself during the day. At what point do you know when your loved one needs more help.

SusanB-dil · July 1

Hi Denise1958 - Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Do tell his doc about the agitation. There are meds that can dial that back without being zombied. I'm glad you have some help, but you also need a break. Maybe look into adult daycare a day or three a week…

Most of us on here go by the DBAT stage. Some doctors go by 3 stages, but the 7-stage is probably more accurate.

DBAT: https://us.v-cdn.net/6037576/uploads/B0XGDF5TALMA/dbat-287-29-281-29.pdf

dbarrylewis · July 3

We have been struggling the last five months. My mother went from fine to very agitated specifically toward my father, to extreme delusions. We moved her into an MC in April for her safety but also because my father, her caretaker, was beginning to decline sharply due to the sudden change, stress, sleepless nights.

In hindsight, I wished we were more proactive six to twelve months ago. I wished we took the fits of agitation toward him more seriously when we caught glimpses of it and perused meds. I wished we began getting a nursing strategy or adult daycare in place so he didn’t have so much stress.

These things may have prevented the urgent move to an MC. We are all shattered by it and it feels like the stress of the move caused her to decline even faster. I read an article about how we stop being able to see how bad it is while we’re in it and this is why we don’t act sooner when all the warning signs are there.

My advice is to definitely to start the in-home care, and get all of your doctors lined up and any daycare plans now, as if you’re already in the next stage.

I hope this is helpful. I would love to think it may help prevent you from going through what we are now. ❤️

H1235 · July 3

Welcome. I think many of us have found that the caregiver is the one that has all the anger and resentment directed towards them. You are the one keeping him safe, telling him he can’t do this or that. You are also the one helping him when he he wants his independence. His anger and resentment get directed towards you versus the dementia. My mom can be very pleasant around my brother, but is often angry with me. She blames me for everything! I work so hard for her and go out of my way to try and make her happy, but it seems like I do nothing right. It’s so hard. I agree with others, that it may be time for medication. If you think mc or a nursing home might be necessary, you should know there can be a waiting list to get in. It’s always a good idea to have a plan B. If there were an incident (this could even be that you fall and break a leg or get sick) and decisions needed to be made quickly, it would be helpful to have everything set.

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