His journey is over
Dear friends,
I wanted to let you know that my beloved husband, Alan, has completed his journey with vascular dementia and is now safely home with the Lord. Over these past months, I came here countless times looking for wisdom, reassurance, and practical advice as each new symptom and challenge appeared. So many of you helped me navigate a road I never imagined traveling. Thank you. I used to say I was learning to adapt because dementia was calling the shots. Now I’ve entered Stage 8 - the stage that comes after caregiving ends. It is a place of profound grief, silence, and learning how to live after pouring every part of yourself into caring for the one you love. To those of you still walking this road, I see you. I know the exhaustion, the heartbreak, the impossible decisions, and the fierce love that keeps you going. Treasure the moments of connection when they come, and don’t forget to care for yourselves, too.Thank you for helping me care for Alan. I will never forget the kindness I found here.
With gratitude,
Tonya
P.S. When the time is right, I’ll come back and share what Alan’s final days were like. I remember searching this group for those kinds of posts when I was still on the battlefield, trying to understand what might be ahead. If sharing our experience can help even one caregiver feel a little more prepared or a little less alone, it will be worth it.
Comments
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@tonyac2
I am sorry for the loss of your beloved Alan.
I wish you strength and peace as you move forward.
HB3 -
I am so sorry for the loss of your DH, Alan.
Thank you for being part of all this community during your journey. You helped so many by participating!
I hope the days ahead treat you gently.
Take good care!
2 -
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. ♥️
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Dear @tonyac2
Please accept my deepest condolences for your great loss. May perpetual light shine upon Alan and may he rest in peace.
Thank you for being present with us as you fought a caregiver’s battles with this disease. Take some time to rest and heal, there is a new journey for you now. I do hope you come back in time and let us know how you are doing.
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I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband Alan. I hope the days and months ahead bring you healing and comfort in knowing you were such a wonderful caregiver.
I’ve learned from your knowledge and I and appreciate your openness. When the time is right I hope you’ll continue to be part of this community.
Hugs 💜2 -
🙏🙏🙏
May the Lord watch over you in this time of need. Alan is now out of pain and watching over you.
2 -
Praying for you in your time of grief and sorrow.
2 -
❤️
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So sorry for your loss. I wish you peace in the coming days.
2 -
I am so sorry for the loss.
2 -
So sorry for the loss of your dear Alan. May you find comfort in the days ahead. 🙏🏻
2 -
My condolences to you and family! I wish for all the sufferers to end this journey quickly and with dignity.
2 -
Peace to you and your family . Thank you for your willingness to come back later on and share with us. For now ,peace and hugs
2 -
So sorry for the loss of your dear husband. May his memory be a blessing.
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Very sorry for your loss. Peace to you as you navigate life after caregiving.
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Dear Tonya- I’m so sorry for your loss and for all you’ve gone through and are going through. Wishing you strength and comfort in the coming days!
💜1 -
My heart goes out to you, Tonya. I am terribly sorry for your loss.
Cindy
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Wishing you peace as you enter this new phase of life. Thank you for sharing your journey.
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I hope knowing the love and care you gave to Alan helps ease your grief. I do often wonder about the emptiness when they are gone after spending many years of our lives revolving around them. If you do choose to come back to this site in the future, I’m sure all of us and the next generation of caregivers will appreciate your knowledge.
1 -
When it’s time I will. I want to share my husband’s process of actively dying.
3 -
May His peace and comfort be with you and yours during this time and into stage 8. Please do come back when you are able.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you love. 🙏💜
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I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace.
2 -
I’m so sorry for your deep loss. Words seem inadequate but I appreciate your posts since I’ve been here.
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I am so sorry for your loss and the sad end to a journey filled with love and care. Your words have given me so much comfort but I feel so selfish and needy. Please come back when you are ready I need to know more. My DH has VD and Aphasia about stage 6 maybe 7. Take gentle care of yourself I dread stage 8.
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This might sound really strange @Biggles, and I know that each Caregiver journey is different although has overlapping experiences. But I do want to come back and share because I have this feeling inside of me, like I found my way through this long dark tunnel with lots of slippery spots in it. This is what it was like for me walking through that tunnel, and now that I’m through it, this is what it’s looking like on the other end.
My husband had what your husband does.3 -
Thank you so much for having the strength to respond. It is the cruelest saddest journey and I feel as if I am walking through a very dark long tunnel gaining an insight into something I don’t want, as I go.
2 -
So sorry for such a great loss. He was truly blessed to have you by his side. Your journey sounds a lot like mine. Fierce love, exactly. Treasuring every connection, exactly. My DH’s journey is accelerating and grief already here because I know our time up is coming very soon.
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I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Many prayers and thoughts go to you and your family.
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Sorry for your loss and joining us in Stage 8. You have entered a new arena of challenge and it may require as much of you as your caring with love did for your DH before. But, now the challenge is for yourself as Stage 8 can be in some ways more difficult as you walk this path alone. My wish for you and all who walk with us in Stage 8 is to look, listen, feel and be ready to experience your loved one in new ways. Your DH is still with you and may reveal himself so in ways only you may experience and understand. The sounds, the sights, the long lost and now found things you shared, the smells, and on and on. Be open to receiving his messages of love back to you now and he will over and over. Eleven months after my Judy went to her rest and she still makes sure I know she is with me. One step at a time now as you navigate this new and unwanted path alone. There may be family and friends around to support and comfort you but our path as the remaining spouse is unique and often only understood by another surviving spouse. When your time is right come back and spend time with us. We will be here for you.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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