I am new to this community

Welcome. I’m so glad you found our group. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. My mom accepted her diagnosis when first diagnosed, but I think she believed she was in the very very early stages. One year later she refused to accept or believe her diagnosis. Nothing I said and no written diagnosis I showed her would work. She believed the doctors didn’t know what they were doing. It took me a while to figure out that it’s best to not even try to explain. It usually just causes them to get angry. As far as diagnosis. When I took mom to her pcp and they did the quick test, she did just fine. I insisted on a referral and thankfully they agreed. The neurologist did 2 hours of testing. The results showed mom had dementia, no question about it. In fact it was advanced enough that the doctor recommended mom not drive or live alone. This was only a few months after her pcp said she was fine. With all this in mind I would recommend you find a different doctor. I will attach the dbat staging tool. This may help you with symptoms you didn’t realize were symptoms. It’s so much more than a bad memory. You might point these out to the doctor as justification for a referral. As I said before, I wouldn’t even try to get your husband on board with this. Think of some kind of excuse for the doctors appointment ( it’s a new insurance policy to do cognitive testing after the age of 70). Since presenting all the symptoms you are seeing to the doctor will probably anger your husband if done in the office in front of him (it made my mom pretty mad!), I would write a note to the doctor explaining all your concerns. I found the patient portal worked great, but mom is not tech savvy and I didn’t have to worry about her seeing it. If he does end up getting medication (don’t get your hopes up), you may need to just tell him it’s for his high cholesterol or something like that. You said you need him to be a part of it. I’m so sorry but that’s probably not going to happen. You need to take control and make things happen on your own. I doubt very much there is anything you or anyone will be able to say or do that will convince him there is a problem. Anosognosia is the absolute worst!

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

Hello and welcome Rebecca

H1235 gives much info. I understand you want to get cracking on a plan of treatment [none so far as I know are a cure and maybe just delay stages a bit] but with your health is it realistic to try to get into a trial program (if that's what you seek) that would probably involve a lot of visits - some for research benefit versus patient need? It may be more doable to rule out other conditions and then try maintenance meds that would require less travel.

Have you seen an elder law attorney to draft documents so you can manage things solo going forward? At some point his physical needs will probably exceed what you can do and if he is helping you with chores now at some point that will stop or become undependable or unsafe. So planning for future in home care or placement options may be something to consider. With your daughter in England maybe seeking a place where you could be in IL and MC for him in same place. Then you'd have a care backstop for you and could still see him.

I'm sorry this happened to your family.

Hi Rebecca, I believe having your dr friend speak with your husband is a good idea. Your husband respects him and you’ve been friends for a long time. Given your physical limitations it won’t be long before you will need to make decisions about either bringing in help or possibly relocating in a manner mentioned by victoriaredux. To me it sounds like you could both benefit from being in an assisted living community that has a MC unit attached. There are many of these around the country. But that’s a huge decision. If you’ve been in your home for a while and love it give in home help a try first. Good luck and keep us posted.