Any tips for transition to memory care?

jtucker19 · July 6

It's becoming clear that it's time to apply for Memory Care waitlists. My LO is rapidly declining and we are no longer able to leave her for any amount of time (she's been living with us for 18 months). We've been unsuccessful finding in home help and we both work. I've cut back to working 3 days a week and my husband and children are helping when they can but it's safe to say that we're about to enter round the clock supervision which we can't make work. How do you begin to transition to Memory Care? I've toured several and have two picked out but not sure of next steps. This part is SO hard! Thanks for your advice.

April23 · July 6

I can only speak from my own experience but generally the medical director from the chosen facility will come and assess your LO to confirm that she meets their criteria for placement. They may have a social worker or other liaison to help with the transition that will be your point of contact until the move is made. They should send you paperwork about what is provided and what the family is expected to provide, as well as a list of suggested items to bring for your LO’s room. I would plan to get her room all ready for her arrival before you do the transfer. I’m sure others will have things I’m forgetting.

I would ask if the facility works with any mobile providers (dental, podiatry, geriatric dr, etc.) as these providers can be great resources if it becomes difficult to take her to appointments outside the facility. Once she’s settled, you can establish her with these providers.

This is a move most families end up making. You’ve cared for her admirably but it’s time for someone else to take over and you can go back to being your LO’s family again.

notequipped · July 7

Very interested in ideas as we are fast approaching this point. My mom is not scheduled to sign DPOA until the 20th. Her decline is/has been so rapid that I have a very real concern that signing it may be an issue. She has been at our house for not quite 5 months and other than for short periods of less than a hour or so, it’s not safe to leave her unattended - even that is questionable. There have been 2 incidents recently that were quite shocking to me. My brain is scrambling trying to come up with the best way to get her there. I am considering trying to appeal to her with I need a break. I have also considered telling her that I’m going on a vacation with my husband- it’s just for a little while. She has an upcoming appt with the neurologist - maybe telling her that the Dr set her up for inpatient rehab would work, too.

I’m also still working. I work from home and my boss has been super accommodating/understanding. What I do is pretty technical though and the level of concentration that is required is sometimes difficult to achieve when I always have one ear listening. I’m exhausted. I don’t know how people do this for such long periods of time.

April23 · July 7

My dad went to MC from rehab. His home had stairs which he could no longer manage and I told him the doctor said he couldn’t live at home anymore because of the stairs and he understood. Even so it was devastating. I don’t really know how people do it when their LO is living at home or with them, but many manage to. I think many use the rehab fiblet. My heart goes out to those of you currently facing this transition.

caregiving daughter · July 7

My mom initially went to mc under "respite care". Respite means you are paying a daily rate for a short time. Perhaps you could explain to your loved one that you are going on a trip and that the doctor is advising that nursing care be available for medication delivery. Respite care could then turn into permanent.

Tour at different times. Try to catch family of other residents and ask if they are happy with the facility. Understand everything there is to know about financials. Get a sense of how full the facility is (full is good) and see if residents are dressed and ready for the day by 8 or 9. Ask if you can sit in a corner and watch resident interaction with caregivers for an hour.

psg712 · July 7

Definitely put her on the waitlists of both facilities you are considering. They will tell you what you need to do next. If a spot becomes available before you are ready (though it sounds as if you are ready now), you can usually decline it and remain next on the list.

H1235 · July 8

My moms moved from my brothers to Al and then later from Al to a nursing home. Both moves went extremely bad. Based on my experience with a very difficult sibling, I’m only able to give advice on what not to do. My brother insisted on telling mom over a week before the moves. She was so worried, stressed and on edge about the move for an entire week. He insisted we be 100% honest with her. He told her she was not safe to be left alone at his house and then later told her she had no more money to pay for Al and had to move to the nursing home. No surprise, this caused her a lot of anger. She doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her even now and believes she is perfectly capable of living home alone. The fact that her money had been used to cover Al she didn’t believe she even needed, made her absolutely irate. Unfortunately the problems didn’t end there. He also insisted she was perfectly capable of deciding what she would need for each move. She of course believed she was capable of managing the packing all on her own as well. I had no idea what had been packed until I showed up for the move. She did not want me to be involved in packing in any way. You would not believe the crazy things she had packed. I had to sorting through boxes she had packed in the back of my car to pull out the cupcake papers, cook books and clothes that didn’t fit an a whole bunch of other pointless things. To top is all off my brother tells me I have no right to root through her personal things. I’m sure mom picked up on the tension between me and my brother. It was an absolute nightmare. I hope you have a much better experience.

Any tips for transition to memory care?

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