I need to tell my story of how I am here and how it has affected me

I have had several positive experiences when calling the 24/7 ALZ helpline during my lowest moments. They are good people and they will listen to you for as long as you want to talk: 800.272.3900

My wife was diagnosed with mild dementia last year (2025) and I have watched her change over time. Then, the sundowning kicked in. It was a real gut punch. In the morning, she was about as normal (whatever that term means) as she could be. Then, around 3:30 p.m. her questions would start about where she was, where was home, or that she wanted to go home. I try to be patient and answer all her questions in the gentlest way possible. Unfortunately, last night I failed to control my emotions, and I believe I did more damage than good. I felt entirely helpless and alone. This is not my first rodeo with this terrible disease. I had to go through the same thing with my parents a few years back, and it tore me up then. Now, it feels more emotionally painful because I am absolutely in love with my wife and have been for 22 years and watching her struggle with dementia is heart breaking. She is on Namenda, Vyvanse (She was diagnosed with ADHD in her late 70's) and Zoloft. I also have her on Chinese herbal medicine that targets the brain, as well as Vitamins B2 and B12, Creatine, and probiotics. She also receives acupuncture treatments every week with red light therapy. We try to walk every day, and I encourage her to write her thoughts down to strengthen the brain and body connection. I am literally throwing whatever I can at this disease, and I cannot tell whether any of it is working. The bottom line is that short of a cure, this disease will keep progressing to the point that she will need professional care. The kids do not want to put their mother in a home, and I agree with them after witnessing my parents' decline in an utterly alien environment. My only advice to those who are going through the same thing is to reach out to people who will listen to you, and create happy opportunities for your loved one with dementia. Life is short and this disease is relentless and merciless. God bless all of you and sorry for being so long-winded.

So very sorry you are on this journey with all of us here. My DH is in year four since diagnosis and it certainly brings new challenges as this cruel disease progresses. I try to keep to a daily routine because he does better in a predictable environment.

Our world is getting smaller. Our retirement plans have been upended. I come here for tips and emotional support. I find both. I take one day, hour by hour at a time. I mess up. I forgive myself, breathe deep and try again.

No two of us here are having the same experience but there is comfort in knowing there is a place where others understand the challenge, the sadness, the need to vent.

Most of us caretakers have been where you are. It is overwhelming, esp. when you first start out in your caretaker role. I like to plan ahead for all emergencies, so I need to know what stage DH is in and what is likely to happen next. Even so, things come up that you are not prepared for. I have needed handholding all along, questions answered and angst to be shared. This site has been a life-saver for me.