How to introduce temporary care giver to my mom?

Did you stay with your mom with the care giver the first time? Is she upset because she doesn't want a stranger in the house or is it because she doesn't think she needs help? We had care givers visit my mom for almost 6 years. In the beginning it was only twice a week for 2 hrs each then vamped up as she needed more help. It was mostly the same caregiver for the whole time. The only trouble we had was when she was sick or off and the agency had to find a replacement. Mom didn't like any of the replacements….and sometimes they couldn't find one. Most of mom's help was for light house keeping and company because my mom could tend to her personal care herself at the time. Sometimes they just waited outside the door if mom showered to ensure her safety. Not sure the level of care your mom needs but in the beginning maybe this care attendant could help your mom tidy up her room, look at photos, water the plants, help fold laundry or do her nails.

You could also say that this care attendant is actually for you to help around the house. Maybe she would be more open to it if she thought they were there helping you. I get it, I probably wouldn't like a stranger coming into my house to tell me to do things or watch me either. If I acknowledged that my daughter needed some help I would hope I could understand that and accept the help, but dementia doesn't give anyone any grace. My mom lived alone for a long time. She did not push back on having an aide come in because we started it after mom was hospitalized for a bad UTI which caused shingles and turned into Ramsey Hunt Syndrome. I'm not sure how she would have reacted if we introduced a helper before that. Maybe try again with the caregiver and be there yourself for the first couple visits. Your mom may see this person as less threatening. It's worth a shot.

We had an aide for the first time after my mother came home from rehab. It had just not occurred to me before. She was only there for a couple of days, couple of hours a week but it was so nice to be able to do things and maybe get out of the house. That person left us rather unexpectedly. The replacement we have neither my mother nor I really like her. I'm interviewing someone new this week. My mother refers to them as a "sitter". My mother can feed, dress, toilet herself. I tell her that it allows me to get out of the house and this person is someone to talk to besides me. You would do well to stick around with the new person to see if the fit is right and if she is attentive. The one I currently have spends way too much time talking on her phone. It is well worth the effort to give yourself a break.

On my reading, the comment was an expression of solidarity: the commenter is “confounded by” the same issue you are facing, because her own situation is similar to yours. No one was insulting you, only trying to show understanding. Wishing you all the best in a very hard time.

I would introduce the caregiver as "my friend" and/or "help for me". I would be there with the caregiver for the first few visits or part of visits so mom can see the caregiver interacting with you and anyone else in the family, which makes them feel less like a stranger.

It might take a few false starts to find a caregiver whose personality meshes well with your mom. Even though she's in her late 90s, Mom always preferred the younger prettier ones with a lot of energy who would interact with her, take her shopping, do her nails, etc. She would get very upset with any caregiver who sat around watching TV or their phone, and we asked the agency not to send anyone like that.

As her dementia progressed and personal needs increased, it was easier for mom to accept more intimate help because a friendship/companionship bond had already been formed.