Going out or staying home

Grandot · July 17

My DH is in the middle of stage 5. He can care for himself physically but has no executive function or short term memory. He has a friend who will take him to play TopGolf. They are scheduled to go tomorrow but tonight my DH got so confused and upset because he couldn’t understand the plans that he gave up and went to bed very early. Question: is it better in the future to try to continue outings or is it better for him to stay at home.

Goodlife2025 · July 17

I would see how he is in the morning and it may be okay. Mornings are definitely better for DW than evenings and your DH may not remember the confusion of tonight by the morning. Also, when things like this pop up I try not to make a change right away but see if it is maybe a "one off". I tell myself it is a sign of what's to come but we aren't quite there yet. Somehow it makes it easier for me to let go of DW limited social outings (which are golden time for me.)

Lethe · July 17

I would encourage him to go if the friend knows he has dementia. My husband wouldn’t tell his friends his diagnosis (my DH is about the same stage 5).He was confusing things/times/plans so frequently like your husband that I finally told them and said if there is confusion on my DH’s part with the plans to text me. It has made these outings go much smoother.

sandwichone123 · July 17

I'd keep that activity as long as possible, but you may not want to remind him of the plan until after breakfast or soon before it's time to meet the friend. Sometimes they do ok with the activity, but not with stressing about it beforehand.

jgreen · July 17

Hi @Grandot

As with @sandwichone123, I learned to withold telling my DH about any upcoming plans or appointments until it was closer to the event. If I told him a day or more in advance, that is all he would think about and was constantly getting ready! I feel it is more compassionate and caring to keep this type of information to myself and not cause undue stress on my DH.

I do hope the outing with his friend. It’s good to maintain his social contacts as long as he is able to get out.

annie51 · July 18

Great advice from everyone. At a certain point in Stage 5 I had to withhold telling DH about plans until I absolutely had to. Even if I said friends were picking us up in 15 minutes, he’d go out in the driveway and wait and watch and get more and more frustrated that they weren’t there yet. Eventually I waited till only a few minutes before! Try to continue the outings as long as you can, if you and he and the friends can tolerate it. It’s better than keeping him home at this stage.

Grandot · July 19

Thank you for your wise advice!! I will continue to try to have outings because we both need them.

EarlInCA · July 19

My wife is Stage 5 and has played golf since she was a child. We both play golf together 3 times a week. I watch her balls, gently remind her about etiquette when we are pair with others, and we don't keep score. In short, no pressure. I would suggest that he not play with others unless they clearly understand that there must be no pressure.

LearningCurve · July 19

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/277563#Comment_277563

Yes. Makes sense. Reading your post made me think back to many years ago when dealing with my young son.

Going out or staying home

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