Careing for mom

terbru0973 · July 18

So, my husband and i moved in with my mom after my stepdad died. He left her with nothing and we didnt want her to be alone. About a,month after we moved in, mom had a stroke, only to find out that this was a second one she had,which came as a stock to my sister and i vecause she bever told us about the first one. So since then shes had sévère little ones and were trying to figure out what the cause of them are. In the mean time i am the primary care taker for my mom, i quit my job so i could take care of her full time. I dont ever get a break, and when i ask my sister for help, she threatens to move our mom in with her. My sister has no patience and is sick of hearing me complain and im sure my husband is too. Mom is teeating me like a slave and when i get fed up and tell her i have no help, she gets angry and makes me feel guilty.

JulietteBee · July 18

I am so sorry you find yourself in such a situation.

I know I can be a very petty person. If my sibling told me that, I would allow them to move mom. What your sister is not realizing is just how hard it is to be a 24/7 caretaker. If she thinks she can do a better job, AND do so without complaining/asking for some respite, let her have a shot at it.

You will enjoy some quality, undisturbed time for yourself and with your husband.

On a more serious note and speaking as a professional, it sounds as if mom had 2 strokes and now having TIAs (Transient Ischemic Attacks). Those typically are the cause of Vascular Dementia and are ofted caused by high blood pressure or atherosclerotic blood vessels in the brain. Sadly, they can also occur if a person has a brain tumor.

She needs to be seen by a neurologist and you/your sister need to have her assign one of you to be her Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare Surrogate.

H1235 · July 19

I have a very difficult brother. Mom lived with him for 1 year. He had absolutely no clue! I am lucky she is still alive. I think before you consider just letting your sister take over you need to consider if she is capable and if it would put your mom in harm. You might want to call your local commission on aging. They can probably give you information on services offered in your area that may be helpful. I agree that she needs to see a lawyer. A DPOA is very important, don’t put it off. The lawyer may also be able to help with Medicaid qualifications and what it will cover in your state. With dementia there is no way your mom is going to understand what you are going through. Many with dementia actually have anosognosia and are not able to recognize their symptoms or limitations. Her brain will can not comprehend how much you are doing for her. A lack of empathy is also common with dementia. I hope you are able to find some way to get a break. I will add a few resources that might be helpful.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

DBAT.pdf

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-income-chart/

Careing for mom

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