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Dental Care Options/ Ideas

My 81 yo mom lives in memory care two blocks from me. I go over every day and bring the necessary amount of overnight and daytime diapers for a 24 hour period because otherwise some staff will take her supplies and use them for other residents. I have gone through long stretches where I was cleaning, changing and putting my mother to bed every night because I did not trust much of the staff. I would have her brush her teeth. Now it only happens when one particular staff member is working. I'm severely burnt out and cannot go over every night to make sure her teeth are brushed and flossed. Every time the visiting dentist comes there is a ton of very expensive work to be done. I'm pretty traumatized by distrust of the place where she lives that I find myself questioning every bill, procedure and medical group affiliated with this place.

I understand how important oral health is and know the risk of infection and that things can get much worse if left untreated and that my mom might not be able to identify any pain she might be in. My mom is still walking around (not easily) and talking, though not always in a way that makes sense in my reality.

I guess I'm asking what options do I have that I don't know about? Or do I just suck it up and say yes to every procedure and not mess around with dental care. Anyone have any helpful information, experiences, tips?

Thank you in advance.

Comments

  • persevere
    persevere Member Posts: 350
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    My DW is in stage 7. She used to take such great care of her teeth that cleanings were just routine. Anyway, it’s been a while since she’s been able to brush her own teeth. My research, and hospice agrees, is at the very least wipe the teeth off with a tooth swab or even a washcloth. No toothpaste required. This gets 80% of what’s needed. Depending on how much longer the patient has to go the concern is not necessarily cavities. It’s more about inflammation or infections. At this point for us unfortunately it’s down on the list but important. I asked my hospice nurse to take a look and everything looked ok. One sign to look for is bad breath. Hope this helps.

  • ​fesk
    ​fesk Member Posts: 600
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    I think it is best to keep up with whatever dental care your mother tolerates. My mother is in an advanced stage and we are still brushing, swabbing with fluoride mouthwash and cleaning between her teeth. What we are able to do depends on what type of day she is having - when she is alert, etc. But as you mentioned, preventive care is easier to deal with than major issues down the road. Thankfully, my mother does not need major work. I think that is where you need to make some decisions. Do you trust this dentist and the course of action he recommends? As for the aides, unfortunately, I don't believe there is much you can do. My mother is not in a facility so hopefully others will come along with advice on how you can communicate with the people in the facility to get your mother better care in this regard. You may find for your own stress levels, if you are visiting daily anyway, you can either supervise her brushing her teeth (from your post it seems she is still able) or give them a good cleaning yourself when you are there. Will only take a few minutes. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. None of this is easy or how it should be.

  • Emily 123
    Emily 123 Member Posts: 987
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    Sea Jay, are there any other MC's close to you? Another option might be to place your mom in a care home vs. a facility.

  • JulietteBee
    JulietteBee Member Posts: 620
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    edited July 19

    @persevere, I did not realize, or even think, that they will forget to brush their teeth.

    My mom lives with me and when parting ways for the night, I always tell her, "Go use the bathroom, brush your teeth, and put on your night clothes." I don't know why the thought crossed my mind tonight to check her toothbrush after she went to bed. They are both completely dry. I fear my mom is no longer brushing her teeth.

    @Sea Jay, I agree with the above poster. Since you already go once every day, brush her teeth then. While it may not coincide with her last meal for the day, at least you will know they have been brushed that day.🫂

  • ARIL
    ARIL Member Posts: 559
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    Thank you for this post. It is a worry for me as well. I was taking my dad from MC to an outside dentist (mine) until about eight months ago. For a variety of reasons I canceled a recent appointment. There is a facility dentist. I suppose we could switch to that person.

    I do not visit every day, but very often. If he is awake, I help him brush his teeth, regardless of time of day. I get the toothpaste and brush ready, I get a cup of water, I stand with him by the sink while he brushes. I offer encouragement. It still works. When I am not there, I think there is one nurse who helps him brush, but I don’t think others are doing it. And he certainly isn’t able to think of it or go through all the steps without being cued.

    This is his third facility in two states. Only in the first one was he brushing consistently, and that’s because he was still able to remember it himself.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 2,339
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    I took mom to the dentist every 6 months for a cleaning and she would get a little bag with a new toothbrush and a small toothpaste. When we moved her to the nursing home I found 4 bags with toothbrush and toothpaste still in them. She had not changed her toothbrush in 2 years. Gross! She seemed so capable, I just assumed she was swapping them out. It’s those little things you don’t think about.

  • MN Chickadee
    MN Chickadee Member Posts: 1,032
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    Sometimes the squeaky wheel approach works. I would start by kindly and respectfully talking with the evening shift aides. Tell them her teeth are not getting brushed and it's important to you that she has that done. Keeping in mind they are over worked, under paid, and sometimes PWD just refuse to do things and they only have so much time to spend with each resident. But worth the conversation. If nothing changes you might want to escalate it to the head nurse or request a care conference. That being said, pick your battles. Many PWD get to a point where daily hygiene routines including teeth brushing go by the wayside due to their disease, they just can't manage it. I think most of us who have watched loved ones go through all the stages of dementia would say eventually teeth brushing goes. Perhaps try those disposable tooth brush picks that require no extra paste or spitting as a stop gap (like the Colgate Wisp.) Dental work becomes about comfort and pain control instead of preserving teeth, appearances, or use for the long haul. There are great dentists out there, and then there are some who will always drill and bill because it's money in their pocket. I would tell the dentist you are looking for more of a palliative approach to any dental work. I personally would not be saying yes to all procedures. Look at each one through the lens of what does it accomplish. If she is in pain then yes. If it could be delayed or if it is just something a person without a terminal disease would want, then no. My mother had almost no dental work done after early stage 5.
    Swallowing, chewing, and eating problems come with the disease regardless of the condition of the teeth so her eating habits will likely change anyway. They become unable to deal with many textures and eat easier things, slowly moving towards only liquids and pureed stuff. The muscle memory for chewing and swallowing is slowly forgotten, and this combined with the digestive system also not working/absorbing the same leads to weight loss in the later stages. I only mention this so you know it's a normal part of the progression.

    Good luck. I know how hard it is to balance your own mental health/time and your loved one's needs and how memory care staff can be a real mixed bag.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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