Temporary home visit

Damiross · July 12

I would like to take my wife home for about an hour so she can play with our cats. Our home is about 5 minutes from the memory care center.

Cathy is in the upper levels of dementia. She can walk okay. The apartment is on the second floor (no elevator). She can walk okay.

Please let me know if this is a good idea. On the one hand she would get to see the cats. On the other hand, I would not want her thinking she s going home.

Thank you for advice.

H1235 · July 12

Could you bring the cats to her. Even if the facility would not allow it, you could bring her out to your car. How long would it take to get her out of the building? Would the cats be okay in the car for that long? Is there a friend or family member that might help. I wonder if you might also be starting something. Not only might she start asking to go home (if she still remembers home), but she might also start asking to see the cats more than you are willing or able to accommodate. Then again she might not even remember the outing the next day. Has she asked about the cats? I know you want to find whatever you can to make her happy, but will she enjoy this or are you thinking too much about what she might have wanted a few years ago. Even if she can walk ok, I would still worry about her having the strength and balance to go up a flight of steps. That seems like a lot and a fall could be devastating at this point.

harshedbuzz · July 12

If you think she may misinterpret this as "going home" I think it would be cruel to attempt it.

If you can't bring that cats to her for some reason, I'd consider getting her a Joy For All Cat instead.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=joy+for+all+cat&adgrpid=1341404756266554&gb=2&hvadid=83838011835548&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvexpln=0&hvlocphy=95604&hvnetw=o&hvocijid=10199693646188135872--&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-83838153944003%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=25304_13464270&mcid=205441957b2e36b9b77ece98c168d54b&tag=mh0b-20&ref=pd_sl_59em7fxucp_e

HB

Damiross · July 13

Thank you for the advice.

After reading the posts here and talking to somebody at the care center, I have decided it would be cruel to take her home for just to an hour or so.

When I had asked about bringing a cat in, they said somebody was allergic to cats. There are a couple of areas outside where I could bring the cat for Cathy to visit with. However, it would be traumatic for either of our cats (both ae over 14) to bring them to the center in a carrier.

She does have a joy cat here that she got from the center. She seems to think the joy cat is real.

JPJardinel · July 21

The love behind this idea comes through in every word, and wanting her to see the cats is such a tender instinct. That said, the concern you already named is exactly the right one to take seriously. For someone in the upper levels of dementia, a visit home often creates more distress than comfort, not because the experience itself is bad but because the brain can no longer process the visit as temporary. She may feel genuinely at home the moment she walks through the door, which makes the return to memory care feel like being taken away from where she belongs rather than going back to a familiar place. The cats visit idea is wonderful though, and many memory care facilities allow or even encourage pet visits, which would give her that same joy and connection without the disorientation of the home environment. It might be worth asking the facility if you could bring the cats to her instead, since that keeps the familiar comfort of the animals while keeping her in the environment her brain has already begun to accept as safe. You are clearly thinking about her wellbeing with so much care, and that matters enormously.

I hope these references can help:

https://hopebridge.care/dementia-home-visits-what-caregivers-should-know/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dementia_caregiving

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/home-care/providing-homecare/

Temporary home visit

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