Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

New to this group. Living overseas, trying to help mother who insists she is "fine"

Ellen B
Ellen B Member Posts: 1 New
in Caring Long Distance
Hello! I am living overseas and trying to support my mother in WA state who is clearly going through a decline. She is still independent in the sense that she can drive (short distances to routine locations around town), walks at a track daily and prepares simple meals (salads and microwaved foods). However, her short term memory is slowly declining and seems to be increasingly causing problems to her daily life (which she denies, ignores or forgets). She is also starting to show some concerning behaviors related to neglecting her hygiene. For example, she is incontinent but not always cleaning herself or bedding thoroughly. She is very introverted and doesn't have a lot of friends or connections, so too often she is on her own, not talking/communicating. I video chat with her daily and keep a running google doc on her. My other sister (also not living near) has increased her support of financial/medical/bills tasks as these are becoming too hard for my mom to navigate alone. Wondering if anyone else has similarities to my situation and would love to connect with a group.

Comments

  • Niecey2loved1
    Niecey2loved1 Member Posts: 27
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Care Reactions
    Member

    It sounds like dementia may be coming along.

    I know you say she drives short distances, but I don't think she should be driving at all.

    Get her to a doctor/neurologist . The incontinence and neglecting hygiene is a red flag.

  • Iffy49
    Iffy49 Member Posts: 13
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76622/new-to-this-group-living-overseas-trying-to-help-mother-who-insists-she-is-fine

    I also live overseas so yes I can relate. I went to visit my sister for 3 months this year and there was a LOT of work to do, arranging and going to medical appointments and going through her finances which were in disarray. And when I left and another sister came to take my place, there was still so much to do and neither of us got Everything done.

    I would talk to an elder care lawyer to set up a financial POA and maybe, if you can persuade your mother, a medical POA.These documents are “in waiting” only used when the time comes. That is how I explained it to my sister and it is true. I mention this because the elder care lawyer that my siblings and I spoke to said that my eldest sister is now probably too advanced to sign any POA, even though I don’t think she is that bad. But my sister and your mother sound more or less similar. My sister doesn’t drive but she is a whiz on the public transport in her city.

    I’m a heavy user of WhatsApp. Are you? One thing I did when I went to visit my sister was to get her a new iPhone, which has, of course, created HAVOC. haha. But at least now I’ve fixed the glitch with WhatsApp where I could not call her but she could call me. Now I can video call her at any time.

    What do you use the Google doc for?

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

Community Guidelines


Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

Categories