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MamaBevy · July 22

Hello my Mom has Alzheimer's and I am really struggling. I want to make sure I am doing everything right. My mom keeps coming into the kitchen and making food, but she is not cooking the food properly and she eats and then forgets she ate and comes down to make another meal. How do you stop someone from cooking and overeating with this disease?

pjasso · July 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76627/new-to-this-community

I know have a great answer for you, as my mom lives down the road in AL. Yours is a challenging one!
Food is such a weird thing for my mom. Every time I take her out, she exlaims (loudly and emphatically), "Wow, this is so big or so much!". I try to frontload her before it comes, or split my food with her if that works. But then she pretty much eats all that comes! I just put my mom on the lunch program per her request. She was eating the same thing for lunch every day- I'd take her to the store and she bought the same things: hot dogs and fritos, can of split pea soup . . then complain she eats the same thing every day- no matter how much I tried to get her to vary it up. Now on the lunch program she eats in this little cafe inside the AL and orders a hamburger and fries and root beer float EVERY DAY and can't figure out how she is gaining weight (she loves to weigh herself every morning). She craves salty foods and sweets. I can't wait to read some of the hopefully good advice you will get on this post!

SusanB-dil · July 23

Hi MamaBevy - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

We had to put a child-lock on the pantry for a while. We left food in the fridge or in a special container on the counter for anything she could have, such as maybe some sugar-free cookies, or in the fridge, some yogurt. As for the stove, can you take the knobs off? 'Cuz she may no longer be safe around it, anyway, as her judgment declines. Maybe even turn off the circuit to the stove when you are not using it, as precaution.

Emily 123 · July 23

I agree—sometimes the work-around has to be making specific things accessible and other things not. This stage, where the person loses touch with both internal cues (sense of hunger or fullness) and external cues (time on a clock) is very trying. We take for granted how much we rely on short term memory to know what we've done all day.

SusanB-dil's got it right in that putting the food in the line-of-sight can work well. And sometimes you need to distract them and slide in there to finish things up (like undercooked food).

CMarlene · July 23

I had this same problem with my sister when she lived with us, but she was trying to feed her two dogs over and over. You might try snapping a photo or a video of her eating her meal each night. Then show it to her when she wants to eat again.

MamaBevy · July 23

I’m really struggling and would appreciate any advice from those who have been through this.

My mom has Alzheimer's, and one of our biggest daily challenges is with her cat. She was feeding him 9–10 cans of food a day because she couldn't remember she had already fed him. I had to cancel all of her Chewy autoship orders and take over feeding him myself. I've tried everything to reassure her that he's been fed. I write down the time he eats so she can see it, but every time he meows, she comes downstairs asking to feed him. When I tell her he's already eaten, she gets upset with me. It's become a daily battle. I may start taking photos each time I feed him, as someone suggested in this chat.

My sister and I have also tried making the house easier for her to navigate. We reorganized all the kitchen cabinets, gave her two dedicated cabinets for her dishes, and labeled every cabinet in the kitchen. Inside her dishes cabinet, I put a whiteboard where I write what she's eaten that day and anything we need from the grocery store. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem interested in using any of these tools.

I even bought one of those daily task boards where you simply flip a switch to a green checkmark after completing a task. She ripped it off the wall and threw it away. I also bought a digital picture frame where I could send family photos along with reminders about appointments, daily tasks, and messages. She unplugged it and hid it in a storage bin.

Another challenge is that she spends almost the entire day in her bedroom with the cat. She does puzzles, plays solitaire, and watches TV, but she rarely comes out. I've tried getting her to go for walks, come to the gym with me, or just get outside more, but she refuses. She's even stopped going to church recently, which is very unlike her. Thankfully, she has a couple of wonderful friends who still take her out to lunch about once a week.

I'm also struggling with her hygiene. It's such an awkward conversation because she's my mom, and I don't want to embarrass or upset her. I honestly don't know if she's using soap, shampoo, deodorant, or brushing her teeth consistently. How do you make sure these things are actually getting done without making them feel like you're treating them like a child?

I feel like what we really need is some kind of daily schedule or routine, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what that should look like.

Thank you to everyone who has shared advice so far. I truly appreciate it, and I'm grateful for any suggestions you have. Sorry this ended up being so long.

SusanB-dil · July 23

We also had the same issue with the cat. She kept feeding and feeding. Although canned wasn't a problem, the dry was. We put a days worth of food in one container. MIL could feed her from that at any time, but when it was gone, that was it for the day. Yes, by the end of the day, she complained that the cat hadn't eaten all day. We told her we would get more food for her first thing in the morning.

Rule #1: Don't argue with a PWD. Rule #1: Take care of yourself. Rule #2: See rule #1, both of them.

Don't argue, it will only get you and her more frustrated. Need to find work-arounds, fiblets, and re-directs. Whatever may work for your situation. Whether it be cat-food, her food, hygiene, some exercise, etc, etc.

And yes - a regular routine helps a lot!

Also maybe check out the book 'The 36-Hour Day'. Insightful… Go to chapters that fit the stage or situation.

Wednesday · July 23

Is there someone else who could bring up the hygiene issues? It is very likely she is NOT keeping herself clean.

I'm the "bad guy" in my house but I'm the daughter-in-law, not the child. So I'm the one who just matter-of-factly says, we have to do your shower now. If she argues, I just keep telling her she has no choice and we're doing it now. The power dynamic is very different with me than it is with her children.

SusanB-dil · July 23

Hi @Wednesday -

Do check out the 'search' for hygiene. Yes, this comes up often. I am also the daughter-in-law (hence the 'dil' in my profile) But please don't argue with her. If you do have a specific question, it may be helpful to go ahead and start your own thread, as you may get more response.

H1235 · July 23

When I was worried about this with my mom the doctor said a shower once a week is fine. Most of us probably shower more often than that, but I assume she is not running around getting dirty and working up a sweat. I would just say, it’s shower day, like she is on some kind of schedule. Another option might be to suggest a shower before going out somewhere (doctor appointments, dinner with family). I also bought mom the flushable wet toilet wipes. I thought they might help her to stay clean. I took her to the dentist every 6 months and she got a new toothbrush. When we moved her out of Al I discovered several of them still in the little bag with the sample toothpaste. She hadn’t swapped out her toothbrush in probably 2 years. She seemed so capable (clearly she wasn’t), it’s so hard to know. Even now that she is in a nursing home she will get very angry if the aide tries to go into the bathroom with her.

psg712 · July 25

The reminder tools such as whiteboards and checklists really don't work at a certain point. It just creates frustration because she can't understand them well enough to make it work. Same goes for setting alarms or other tech tools. She can't learn new systems. It will just be a source of stress for her and for you.

My mom overfed her cat too. He was immense! Then she got to a point where she didn't feed or water him at all. His pleading meows went unheeded. Both very sad situations. I doubt that showing your mom a picture of the cat being fed will register with her. You may just have to hide the food and tell her that you are in charge of cat feeding now. No explanation of how she's overdoing it. She can't perceive her deficits. She'll be upset, you'll have to repeat it over and over that you are in charge, but the cat will be healthier.

psg712 · July 25

When my mom stopped feeding her cat, I got automated food and water dispensers from Amazon - the food dispenser could be programmed for the amount and time to release food. My mom was in AL at the time, and I just couldn't get there twice a day, every day to feed her cat.

MamaBevy · July 25

Thank you all!

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