Joining my first club. Never wanted to be a part of

Welcome. I am new also. Hang in there and come here and vent and get oodles of information and support. I tell my DH the DR said he can't drive, not me. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not.

Welcome @GingerTurner Glad you found us.

One day at a time. That’s how I am getting through this awful nightmare. Some tips for you as you begin to go down this road:

Elder Care Attorney - Find and hire one to get you started on updating or initiating all your legal affairs. This person will specialize in powers of attorney, HIPPA forms, Healthcare Surrogate, and will/trust - for both of you. (Be sure you get someone other than DH to be your DPOA). Tell DH that as you two are getting older, you need to make sure you have legal forms in place. Do this soon while DH is still able to understand and sign. Visit attorney on your won first time so you can speak freely.

Driving - You’ve got the driving issue going in the right direction. Even though it’s been a year and a half, my DH will ask for the keys every once in a while. That loss of independence is so tough on a PWD! Hide keys, say “car needs to go to shop for repairs” or “It’s a great day for a drive; I’d like to drive”

Anosognosnia - physical inability for a person to recognize his own illness or handicap. Learn to say things like “I’m so sorry” or “That’s too bad that happened” and take the blame, even though you did nothing wrong. You cannot argue with someone whose ‘reasoner is broken’.

Start to do bits of research on the disease so you have a better understanding of behaviors to expect, and how you might be able to handle those situations without causing a ‘catastrophic reaction’. A good book is “The 36-Hour Day” 8th edition. Some online healthcare professionals are Tam Cummings, Teepa Snow, Natalie Edmonds, and Camille Sinclair. Each has their own website and offer good information in plain language that most caregivers understand. My advice is to go slowly and take your time digesting everything. This journey is a marathon, not a sprint.

And do come back with questions or just to vent. We are here for you and each other.

Welcome. Sometimes there is just no way around being the bad guy and taking the blame. There may be occasions when you can use a fib to take some of the heat off you. Things like- I know you said you were going to change the oil on the car, but I just had it done so you didn’t have to deal with it ( no need to tell him he is not capable). I really enjoy mowing the lawn (not). Another idea is to just not discuss things that might be an issue. There is no need to mention the car needs an oil change (especially if he is going to want to do it). If he is still bitter about not being able to drive, I would avoid mentioning anything at all about the car for any reason. Blame things on the doctor (he doesn’t have to live with him). The doctor wants you to use the cane. We often say here you can’t reason with a person with dementia. Just don’t even try. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. They can put themselves in dangerous situations. There is usually no way to convince them they have a problem and trying is pointless. This is very difficult to manage. I’ll add a few resources. Sorry you need to be here.

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

That sounds exactly like what happened to a friend of mine years ago. They diagnosed it as either Absence seizures or Focal Impaired Awareness seizures (depending on how long they last). They put him on anti-seizure medication and I believe it stopped.