Need help with parent with Alzheimer’s who won’t shower

tiffany_dyer2000 · July 25

Hello everyone,

I’m new to this forum and trying to navigate this horrible disease that my mother has. She refuses to get a shower or even allow anyone to wipe her down. I’ve tried everything from playing calming music, getting in the shower with her, and just constantly reassuring her. She becomes extremely agitated and starts having emotional breakdowns and tries to get out of the shower or walks away from the wipe downs. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

Thank you so much!

terei · July 25

Some people have had luck with medication to calm the PWD prior to trying to shower. You could talk to her dr about it…a little Valium maybe? Otherwise, when my mother was agitated about bathing, (actually shouting ‘ help, help’ and so on) we would just ignore her and continue on and do it as quickly as possible. I just kept reminding myself it wasn’t personal and that being clean was good for her health. It is really confounding how common this is

tiffany_dyer2000 · July 26

Did you try the Valium? Did it seem to help your mom. Thank you so much!

H1235 · July 26

How often you are trying to get her to shower? Moms doctor said once a week is fine. How would she feel about having her hair washed at a salon? Spin it as special treatment, have her get her nails done. This would at least help with the hair. Another idea might be to suggest a shower because of some event. Susie is coming to visit tomorrow and I know you’re going to want to look your best. You might try using the search on this site. The threads will be old, but there still might be some good advice. I hope you can find a solution.

ARIL · July 26

This is a surprisingly common problem. You may find some useful insights in this list from a geropsychologist:

https://careblazers.com/dementia-refuses-to-bathe-how-to-help/

MissOldMom · July 26

My mom (who has lived with us over 2 years now) only showers every other night now (and normally asks us “did I have a shower last night?” It’s physically hard on her even with a shower chair (she also uses a walker). But if she went to only once a week that’s ok. Regarding the hair getting wet, that DID set my mom off so luckily we have one of those hand attachments where she sits on the shower chair and uses that just from her neck down.

All of that being said, we ended up having her stylist make house calls once a week for her hair to be washed and styled. We told her it’s not healthy to have her head not washed at all, so this was the compromise. We are lucky enough to have found a stylist that will come to the house (charges a little extra but it’s worth it).

Good luck, I know this is the most horrible disease of the mind, logic and reasoning I’ve ever experienced with a loved one. I hope a solution will come quickly for you 💕

ORtoAZ · July 27

My dad also won't shower. A Dr. told him 10+ years ago that showering too much is bad for his skin and for whatever reason THAT is what he remembers. Doesn't matter that new Dr.'s including a dermatologist has highly recommended bathing at least once a week. Now we are at the point that he is at risk of falling and doesn't remember what to do once he is in the shower. When they lived near by I would get him to go swimming with me, then say "let's take a shower while you have your swim trunks on". I was able to help him while maintaining both of our dignity. I also washed his legs, lotion and clean compression socks every other day. Once they returned back to OR. from AZ. it all went downhill. For a month he refused to shower. The dr ordered home healthcare which includes a "bather". OT/PT/Bather each go to the home once a week. This isn't a long term program (we need to hire outside help) but might be an option through her medical provider?

psg712 · July 27

I used no-rinse shampoo caps for my mom. I told her we were playing beauty shop. She still didn't like it, but she at least got hair freshened up. She absolutely would not enter a shower over her last two years - had to use bath wipes and do as quickly as possible.

Need help with parent with Alzheimer’s who won’t shower

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