Tracking

Ed's mom · July 27

As we are starting down this road I have found tons of great advice and support here. My LO still drives locally, alone every Monday to counseling and back. 12 miles each way. Today she was gone and I realized she was late by 2.5 hours. The answer was an expected "I told you I was going shopping", she did not.

Am I overreacting by thinking about a phone tracker? Does anyone have experience with trackers and will share, I welcome input. If I knew where she was I would not worry, it's not to spy.

dcare45 · July 27

I think a tracker is an excellent idea. It is not spying it is for safety. I had my DW stop driving as soon as we were aware of dementia. When my granddaughter told me DW was blowing through stop signs I immediately pulled the battery from her key fob. It wasn't about control it was about safety. Hers and everyone else.

blacksparky · July 27

I agree with @dcare45. As soon as my DW was officially diagnosed with EOAD, I had her stop driving and sold her car. You mentioned that your LO drives alone. That is really scary, as you have no idea if she is running red lights, turning in front of oncoming cars or anything that should not happen. All it would take is for your LO to get in an accident where another person dies and there goes your life savings and possibly your house.
Insurance companies may investigate and risk denying claims if a driver has an undeclared major cognitive impairment, leading to potential personal liability. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Ed's mom · July 28

She currently has Dr permission to drive locally and alone, I was there when she asked. She is a very careful driver but no I don't think she should be driving.

Lethe · July 28

If you both have iPhones you can use “find my iPhone.” It’s free and easy. That’s how I keep track of my DH when he walks the dogs out without me.

Lethe · July 28

Ed’s mom you might also enjoy this. It’s a modern love story about tracking a loved one. It’s a gift article.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/15/style/modern-love-tenderly-tracking-my-husband.html?unlocked_article_code=1.1FA.7b8S.WoioWCbCpbVj&smid=nytcore-ios-share

Victoriaredux · July 28

All a tracker does does is tell you were your LO was - maybe before they lost the tracker or before the accident.

That she got lost for 2.5 hours is scary- what if she had gone up a road with little traffic and ran out of gas?

Unless your state has really tough laws about Doctor's mandated reporting [few do] they usually don't get into evaluating driving unless it is REALLY obvious and avoid conflict in front of the patient.

[Local driving limits are silly really— the majority of ALL accidents for ALL drivers happen near home . Every intersection is a test of memory, judgement , physical , visual skills and empathy " I've waited long enough - my TURN"].

I suggest your contact the Doctor via a message and let them know about the time gap. Let them be the heavy. They indicated they are open to discussing dementia.

Have you ask your LO about the counseling , in general, with memory issues most folks with dementia can't get much out of it. If it is helpful, maybe they can Zoom?

And sadly, like with a lot of medical specialists they may have little training with dementia . They could be , I stress could be, viewing your attempts to keep your LO safe, which is the ultimate goal as trying to "control" her and be working at cross purposes.

As others have suggested please use your POA [ hopefully DPOA] to protect your assets. If she is scammed or makes a bad decision and is in this testing stage you probably wouldn't be able to recover anything.

Your LO has a passion for prepping, well you would be prepping for the finances you will need for her disease and for you after , way more than 1000 energy bars . She won't be happy, but that's not the primary goal.

I'm really sorry about what you are going through, this is a very tough stage . You've done so much and the task list seems to keep growing.

notequipped · July 28

I’ve tracked my Mom and my daughter for years (they both have the ability to locate me, too). Oddly enough, I don’t have the ability to track my husband or son. Mostly started as more of a safety thing but it’s pretty convenient as well. I’ve added more AirTags to some of my Mom’s belongings recently. She knows that I have added them.

With an iPhone, you have to have access to both phones or they need to OK it. Very easy to set up. They make shoe inserts and holders that fit onto the laces for AirTags, too. I’m perfectly fine with loved ones knowing my location.

i don’t think that you’re overreacting and I wouldn’t give a second thought to the issue of ‘spying’.

jgreen · July 28

Dear @Ed's mom

If you’ve already seen the link from the Alz Assoc website about driving, please forgive me for the redundant info. https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/safety/dementia-driving I encourage you to get an expert opinion and not rely on your doctor. Many PCPs are reluctant to damage their relationship with their patients when it comes to sensitive issues like this one.

I’ve seen where others have used the occupational therapy driving assessment to determine if LO is safe to drive alone. My DH was too far advanced when I took the car keys and hid them.

This is a tough one! Many of us have been in your shoes (and some of us are still like bad guys’)

harshedbuzz · July 28

@Ed's mom

If a PWD needs to be tracked, they shouldn't be driving. Full stop.

I side-eye the doctor in this case. Has s/he ever driven with your DW? Has he read the fine print in your auto policy to make sure you're not putting everything you own on the line each time she turns the key? Have you? Does the doctor understand that you, as a DPOA, could be held liable if DW were to injure someone in an accident? Sometimes docs see this as a family responsibility or don't want to taint their relationship with the patient.

You can track using the iPhone "Find My" feature. Generally speaking, an iPhone or Watch is less accurate than an AirTag— they can be off by quite a distance or go un-updated for hours. I track mom's phone because of her wicked ADHD. She was out with a cousin once and her watch showed her at a hospital when she was across the highway in a shopping center. The other piece is that DW could leave phone at the office or leave it home.

I agree with "local driving" being a load of BS. My mom has vision issues. Her doctor OK'd "daytime, local and familiar" driving. She had 2 accidents in a 60-day period between my house and hers (7-mile distance she'd been driving 40+ years) totally 5 vehicles, injuring someone and ended up being sued. That last part is important; it was almost 2 1/2 years between the accident and court date. In that time, a PWD would likely have progressed to a point where they may struggle to defend themselves in court. I mean, 2 1/2 years after dad's diagnosis, he'd been dead almost a year.

HB

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