Do they know… or should they know

srapone · July 27

I think she knows she has Alzheimer’s… do I remind her when she is confused or struggling? Or never bring it up again?

Ed's mom · July 27

At our first appointment last week the Dr's first sentence was "we are not going to avoid using words like dementia ever". It helped a little to remind her if that later although she still denied it.

annie51 · July 27

I think you’ll have to judge how she is about it. For my DH, I don’t know if he realized what he had but I mostly said things like “you’re just having some trouble with your brain” or “you have a brain disease” when he asked about it. I think the word Alzheimer’s or dementia would have confused him.

dcare45 · July 27

I never brought it up with my DW. It actually never came up day to day. If she struggles with something I just assist her through it and move on. I believe by the time we had a diagnosis DW really could not register it anyway. Now I know she cannot. When we are at the PCP or Neurologist, we say the words and DW doesn't react. When we are at the DRs I always say WE have dementia or whatever issue we are talking about.

CindyBum · July 27

I don't know that the word needs to be avoided, but I don't think it's all that helpful to remind them repeatedly. I would say something like, "It's ok, baby. I got this." or "How about I help you with that?" If my DW remembered she was having cognition issues, I'd assure her that she was safe. I can only remember a couple of times that I answered her when she asked directly what was going on with her.

White Crane · July 27

My husband's first reaction to his diagnosis was shock. It was like he couldn't really cope with it. At first he recognized he had it but later he didn't realize what was happening to him. When he asked me why he couldn't think or remember, I just said you have a brain disease and casually continued what I was doing…unless he wanted to talk about it. I never reminded him of it. I didn't need to. Now, in the later stage he still sometimes points to his head and shakes his head when he can't get the words out or figure things out. It's a sad disease.

terei · July 27

It depends on the patient. Some people accept that they have AZ. Mostly, from my experience, it upsets them to use the words AZ or dementia. If that is the case, IMO there is no reason to remind them of their disease. I used to say to my mom that she was having ‘memory problems’ which she accepted without objection. While she was still verbal, she used to tell people ‘I have dyslexia’. I used to just smile behind her and shake my head ‘no’.

Bowerbird · July 27

When my DH got upset and confused because he could not understand what was happening to him, we sat down side by side and I calmly and quietly said that as we get older, some people's bodies don't work like they used to, right? He agreed. Then I said that other people's brains do not work like they used to. I kept it simple and that seemed to suffice, as he never asked again.

Lorita · July 27

Do not bring it up!! My husband and I never talked about it. Why bring more confusion and worry to them. They , and you, have enough to contend with. Others may disagree but that's what we did.

Stan2 · July 27

My DW knows she has alzheimers, she knows what is happening to her and it terrifies her. If is necessary to speak of it we refer to her problems as some "memory difficulty".

I do my level best to not ever mention that she has forgotten something or that she has asked me the same question 4 times. I find that if I can keep her calm and avoid anxiety we both fare better.

Stan2 · July 27

sandwichone123 · July 28

At first my dh understood and we discussed it. It didn't take long, though, for him to move past that stage and we didn't discuss it. Later, he was very upset for days after he heard the nurse giving report to the new nurse and saying he had Alzheimer's.

After that, even when he was sent to the ER I wouldn't tell the doc while Joe was in the room. That poor doc was mystified by why a married man about 60 was in assisted living (memory care, but legally it was an assisted living).

Barbie300 · July 28

At first my DH acknowledged that he had Alzheimer’s and would tell me I was going to have to start managing the finances and he did thank me for taking over the income tax record keeping but now he doesn’t recognize that he has anything wrong with him. Occasionally he will say “ I must be getting senile”. I don’t say anything but I do have to keep reminding him that he can’t drive bc he has memory problems. He always says he doesn’t know what memory problems has to do with driving. I don’t say anything.

Do they know… or should they know

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Do not bring it up!! My husband and I never talked about it. Why bring more confusion and worry to them. They , and you, have enough to contend with. Others may disagree but that's what we did.

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