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Key loss "Frustangry"

Pmmommie
Pmmommie Member Posts: 26
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Care Reactions
Member

Dad once again lost his lanyard with his attached key. I received a call from his caregiver's agency that he was overly agitated and both angry and frustrated. They recommended that I get out to him asap. I called him to get some more info or hopes of bringing him down a couple of notches. I spoke to his Friday caregiver and was told that he misplaced his keys and they have looked everywhere. He was getting angrier by the minute. She said that they had searched the entire apartment and various areas of the facility.

When I arrived, we retraced his steps even going outside to his birdfeeders and each of his food containers. She and I emptied every cabinet and every drawer and laid out everything in the middle of the floor just to double check, he would go behind us and check as well. There was not an inch that we didn't empty or inspect. We even checked both dumpsters. He just wouldn't allow us to stop. This continued for 2 solid days with all staff involved as well with quite a few accusations. The 3rd day he included a small wooden box being attached to the lanyard with $100 in it. He said he wrote a check and took it to the bank for cash for his expenses. No biggie since I have his checkbook and he has a caregiver everyday with the closest bank over a mile away And no car. I told him that I would contact the bank 1st and talk to the executive director with possibly filing a police report. He said he would take care of it. I told him my plans but, didn't follow thru just for the record.

The keys were found late on the 3rd day by maintenance. They told him that they found them on a floor. I showed up that afternoon with a new lanyard with the same exact keychain attached. We went to Home Depot to have copies made and he refused to wear his new lanyard. He wanted his old lanyard in plain sight. Went it left his sight and was not on its "official" hook, he became agitated and said it was taken out of his apartment again.

How do I handle this one? Is it normal for him to want to wear 2 lanyards everywhere? Did I make the mistake of buying him a new one? I'm trying not to become frustrated at his latest actions but, it's so hard.

Comments

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 967
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Likes 100 Insightfuls Reactions
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    Is dad in an Assisted Living or at home? Sorry, not quite understanding which stage he may be in as to why he would need a lanyard if he is with a caregiver? Except that it may make him feel more comfortable to have that.

    However - Is there a place to attach one of those 'finders' on the lanyard? An Apple Air-tag or a Tile for other programs, such as Android…

    And yes - a lot of 'this' is so freaking frustrating!!

  • SiberianIris
    SiberianIris Member Posts: 135
    100 Likes 100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member
    edited July 30

    I sure can relate to what you're going through. We went through similar with my mom and her keys and wallet. She didn't lose them as much as she hid them in odd places in an effort thwart imagined thieves.

    I put AirTag trackers on both, and it helped a lot, because I can track them with my iPhone. If you have a different phone, there are other brands of trackers that could work.

    While you're on this dementia journey with your dad, throw "normal" out the window. If you've met one person with dementia, you've met just ONE person with dementia. In their world we can't use "normal" as a yardstick anymore. You did not make a mistake buying a second lanyard. If wearing both lanyards give him a sense of security in his reality, then so be it. Tomorrow it might be a different story, and he won't want to wear both. Yes, it is SO hard not to become frustrated, because it IS frustrating!

    What has helped me is imagining that I am an actor in an improv play that I never auditioned for. Whenever mom's dementia throws me a curve ball, I have to think fast of a response that doesn't contradict HER reality.

    I know she's not going to remember anything I tell her, but she will remember how my energy, tone of voice, and facial expressions made her feel. As long as I come across to her as being 'on her side', things generally go well.

  • Pmmommie
    Pmmommie Member Posts: 26
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Care Reactions
    Member

    He is in a facility. He's not safe at home right now. He has 3 caregivers that keep him active and motivated that rotate. I'm with him at least twice a week. They gave him an apartment key and a med alert button to which I attached to the lanyard. My feeling is the lanyard he "lost" has been tossed away and will never be found since, I have found the new Marine Corp key holder on another lanyard he had forgotten about and just happened to find. So, frustrating to get multi[le repetitive calls about his keys going missing.

  • mjspurgeon1
    mjspurgeon1 Member Posts: 14
    10 Comments First Answer
    Member

    Boy have we been where you are many times. I have gotten into a routine to check his trash. I have found his teeth in there twice, he has thrown all of his silverware away and many of his plates. We now use plasticware and paper plates. The losing of the wallet was earlier on in this awful disease, I carry it now when we go out shopping or to church. He lost his car keys earlier on as well, and we took possession of the second set right after that. We have learned that he cannot be trusted with anything anymore. Recently he lost his phone charger, now I take it to charge it and do not leave the charger with him. I am so sorry you're going through this.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more