Dear Dad

tara121 · August 5

Hello, this is my first post. My father has recently been diagnosed with dementia. He is 81 and lives alone. I am an only child and I do not speak to my mother and neither does he. He is a Vietnam Vet and is struggling with this diagnosis because he feels as if his manhood is being stripped from him watching him decline so quickly has made me so sad and while I honor the privilege of being able to take care of him, I get very agitated and annoyed. A good friend gave me this website and I’m hoping to make people like me who can help me with ideas as well as support. I hope everybody has a lovely Wednesday.

SusanB-dil · August 5

Hi tara121 - Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

It might help to know about what stage dad may be in?

Usually first thing is to have paperwork in order. Do you have DPOA and HIPAA accesses? Also the book 'The 36-hour Day' is helpful. Just go to the chapters that apply currently. Teepa Snow and Tam Cummings videos as well.

Here is the link for DBAT that most of us here use for 7 stages: https://us.v-cdn.net/6037576/uploads/B0XGDF5TALMA/dbat-287-29-281-29.pdf

Even though each of our LO may progress in a different manner, the trajectory can follow a similar pattern.

Yes - lots of support here. We understand. So sorry you are dealing with 'this'.

H1235 · August 5

Welcome. Sorry you need to be here. When mom was diagnosed I was advised that she was no longer safe to live alone. Unfortunately some doctors leave this decision with family to struggle with on their own. He will probably not be safe without 24/7 supervision for very long. You might want to start considering your plan B. If this includes placement in a facility you should know that many have a long waiting list. Many people with dementia suffer from anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. This may put him in very dangerous situations. If he believes he is capable of frying bacon and his memory is bad enough that he forgets it, he could burn the house down. Living alone is not just about taking care of themselves, it’s about knowing their limits and keeping themselves safe. Getting a person with dementia to agree to increased care is often impossible because of the anosognosia. Therapeutic fibs can be used. People with dementia are also very susceptible to scams and just struggle with fiancés in general. Be cautious. I will add some links that may be helpful.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/