Cleaning out mom's room

psg712 · June 20

So tomorrow will be two weeks since my mom's death. Her MC director, while very kind with condolences, is pushing gently for me to get her room cleaned out so that they can paint and prepare it for a new resident. When I pointed out that mom was paid up for this month (and I was out of town for the first week after her death to arrange and attend her memorial service and burial), he said that he would arrange for her furniture to be moved into an empty AL room if I would clear the rest quickly.

So I spent about three hours after work yesterday sorting and boxing clothing and personal items. Took bags of clothing to a local charity today. Crammed my car with stuff I can't yet part with. It's really not that much ; nothing like clearing her house to list for sale when I moved her to AL 4 1/2 years ago. But it made me angry.

I'm back at work, dealing with others' family crises (I'm a nurse), sorting issues for my husband who is currently ill, managing a teenager's summer activities. I know that LIFE GOES ON but wow. No time to process anything. Clear her room, catch up at work, keep the plates spinning for the rest of the family. Oh, your mother died? I'm so sorry. But she was elderly, with dementia, her death was a mercy. All true. And yet. I'm left with this simmering anger that I don't know what to do with. Anyone else deal with this?

Quilting brings calm · June 20

Tell that director you want a refund for the days that apartment and the other apartment are empty. My mom died on the 29th. The December rent for the AL was automatically billed to her checking account on Dec 1. I started clearing out the apartment and had it all out by the 10th. Spouse and friends helped and all the furniture went to someone in need. The director refunded all but 8 days. I only got charged for 8 days because there were two days the director didn’t want us moving stuff due to activities at the facility.

FYI- Once we took what we wanted, we invited the staff and residents to take what they wanted. Some of the residents don’t have much money and they appreciate the thought. The director arranged for a local service to take the rest.

Daisy4U · August 9

@psg712 I truly sympathize and identify with how you felt. My mom passed away with dementia about a month ago, on the last day of the month, at around 4:30 am. We were told by we had to clear her room within 24hours for another resident. I had no choice but to remove her effects on the afternoon of her passing, as it was the only time I had the necessary help. It was so sad and pressurizing!

The MC expressed caring but at the same time there was a cold, callousness about the whole thing. In fact, I was later told by the palliative care director that the MC director should not have said that, and that we could have taken more time, but it was too late. On top of this, all the sorting and funeral arrangement, which all need to be done right away. I feel the "system" is all wrong in the expectations it places on those in mourning. I am in a better place one month on, and hope you are too.

Cleaning out mom's room

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