New and looking for resources

Welcome. I will give you some resources that may be helpful. Does your grandfather have a DPOA in place? This is very important. If not, it might be best to approach this as simply something that should be done now that he is getting older. Try to convince a person with dementia they have symptoms is usually impossible. The same approach can be used to get him to the doctor. Tell him it’s a routine appointment to check——-. When it’s time for a care facility tell him he needs some extended pt or it’s a temporary thing while work is done on the house.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/17/well/anticipatory-grief.html

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

Your grief is valid. With dementia, it just goes on and on. In some ways being a caretaker makes it a little easier…We are hands on, we are slowly becoming more consumed with the care and responsibilities of caretaking. Sometimes we just have to bury our grief for the sake of the one we love. You are not a caretaker. You can only stand by and watch that grandparent you love. Giving support to your parents as they take on the role of caretakers may at least give you the knowledge that you are doing all that you can do. Don't let your grief keep you from loving your grandparents. Even when a POD can no longer speak or even understand what is said, they still respond to being loved. All our grandchildren love their grandfather. Your grief gives me an insight to how they are feeling. I am sorry that you are carrying this.

You are very welcome here! Your love for your grandparents is palpable in your postings, and the folks who post here regularly are more than willing to help you think about and navigate this season of your life, and theirs. Most of the regular posters are direct caregivers, it’s true, but the site is for everybody, and people with different perspectives are very helpful. I have learned from you already!

The DPOA is absolutely critical, and urgent. For health care and finances. (In some places these are on one form; in other places—such as the state where I was appointed DPOA—they are two different forms.) It is better to present this idea to the grandparents as “something that makes it possible for us to help you when you get to the point that you need more help” or “something we just need to take care of as all of us are getting older.” I successfully used the first option for my dad.

As for the grief…yes, it is so hard, and it affects whole families and whole friendship groups. And please try to release regrets for the past. We can only go forward from here. You can still love your grandparents, even as you find new ways to show it. 💜

@SamScar98, I truly feel for you. Anticipatory grief can be overwhelming. Protecting your heart as a caregiver so you can continue to support your LOs is so important. I commend your wanting to help as a grandchild. The following resource helped me walk through the emotions that threatened to swamp me at times. It's on Amazon or you can find it (and other resources for caregivers ) at the https://cosyseniorstories.com/the-sandwich-generation website.

Wishing you and your parents strength for the journey.