Excessive need to grocery shop??

magnoliaflower · August 11

My mom has EO and she insists that we need to go grocery shopping every single day. Not in the sense that she is aware it is daily and believes it to be a daily task, but that she asks constantly, for hours at a time. Daily. It doesn't matter how much food we have she just wants to go. She will open the fridge and say "we need to go get groceries, we don't have any food" even though we do. She will also call her friends and our extended family and act like I am starving her. It's so frustrating getting call from people asking me "have you fed your mom?"… like of COURSE I HAVE.

I think maybe it is because the fridge isn't visibly full? It's a giant fridge and I can't imagine what we would fill it with. But we have everything we need and can put in there without being wasteful (of both food and money). She doesn't cook, or like for me to cook, so most of our meals are microwaveable and stay in the freezer. Not to mention she has two deep freezers of food in our garage that we could thaw if anyone was going to actually cook it. I haven't taken her to the store with me in over a month because the last time she was in a grocery store she spent over $200 on mostly things that we already had and won't be used before they expire. For example she bought 3 gallons of whole milk when we are a household of three (and we use 2%) and like 5 bottles of bbq sauce.

Nothing I say really redirects her. I've tried: we'll go later, we just went yesterday, we don't have more grocery money yet, let's make a list first, it's closed, it's rush hour, let's check in with my brother to make sure he doesn't need anything before we go… and of course I have shown her the full freezer's and pantry. I'm out of ideas, and she is driving me crazy.

If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate it. On things to say or food to by that will make it look full but wont spoil in a week. At this point I will do anything short of actually taking her to the store. Does anyone else deal with this?

April23 · August 11

What about replacing shopping with another activity? Mom, today isn't grocery shopping day but how about we go for a drive, go to the park, do a puzzle, etc.? Mom, we'll go later this week but how about you help with the laundry, make the list, the plants need watering, etc. We can't go now but let's watch a movie, etc.

Even the visual of food probably won't work, although you could certainly try. It's probably more that she is restless or missing the ability to do something independently.

magnoliaflower · August 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/279648#Comment_279648

Thanks for the idea! I will have to try to come up with some things she might want to do. She is honestly pretty hard to please. She doesn't have any short term memory, or an attention span, and she cant follow a task very well. But I will try and rack my brain to see if there is something she might agree to.

harshedbuzz · August 11

@magnoliaflower

I am sorry you're dealing with this.

Given her short term memory and inability to learn, she's not going to recall having just shopped or your explanations.

One approach would be to make the fridge "off limits" with a lock so it won't be a visual trigger. Another would be to enlist friends to give you empty containers which you use to fill out the space in the fridge— an empty milk jug with colored water, jars with pantry staples you use, cans. You could even add plastic fruit and eggs under the real thing.

There's likely an anxiety component to this that could be addressed with medication. A day program to keep her busy would probably be good for both of you.

HB

caregiving daughter · August 11

I remember the grocery shopping days—walking around aisles for what seemed like hours, occasionally walking out with items while not remembering to pay. I like the road you are going down to provide a visual cue, e.g., a full refrigerator. If you need to, stock with large gallons of milk or other that takes up space. You could also try the visual route in a different direction. For example, drive to your mom's and leave your car around the block. Tell her your car is out of service and that there is no way to get to the store. If your mom is like mine was, it had to be the exact same grocery store. Tell her Kroger, or whatever, is out of power and closed for the day. Please remember that her judgement is not working and that reasoning will not be possible. Please hang in there.

H1235 · August 11

Sorry you are going through this. My mom was just obsessed with shopping (non food). You would not believe the crazy stuff she wanted to buy (well maybe you would). I just stopped taking her to the store. It’s too bad. I know she would love walking around and looking at things, but I can’t get into an argument with her in the store (and try not to at all). She was so angry. She demanded an explanation. I side stepped and made excuses for a while, but she eventually caught on. She demanded an explanation for why I refused to take her to the store. It was kind of ugly. It’s been about 2 years now. She doesn’t bring it up too much anymore, but I avoid discussions about shopping as much as possible. If I get her new clothes and they don’t fit I usually get an eye roll and a “well if you would just bring me to the store I could pick them out myself”. When I took her to her pj’s a few years ago she was looking at black lace negligees. I hope you can find something that works.

ARIL · August 11

Reasoning won’t work, that’s for sure. My stepmother, at the time with undiagnosed dementia, used to insist that other people in the household go to the grocery during the preparation of a meal (a 15-mile round trip). Usually multiple times: we need butter! Go to the store. Oh, we need carrots. Send somebody else. We need a dessert. Go back. (No cellphones in this story.) When she met refusal (Let’s make do without it, OK?) or even the suggestion that we make a list, she melted down. It was sad and awful and didn’t slow down until she had a geripsych evaluation and medications to manage the anxiety. Truthfully, this was not a complete resolution either, but it helped.

I am liking the idea of putting containers in the fridge to mimic fullness—although you’ll want to make sure she wouldn’t be harmed if she tried to eat or drink it. And stories about why you need to “go to the store later” might be of some use. Both are worth trying, although I suspect this issue is less about her trying to fix a perceived problem and more about her anxiety being on overdrive.

This is such a hard phase.

terei · August 11

I would claim car trouble and you have to take it to be fixed.

pjasso · August 12

My mom (ALZ, mild-mod), moved to AL near me 3 years ago, and takes dinner and breakfast in dining room, but has been making simple lunches. Before moving her here, her fridge was always full- full of expired foods, and her freezer was FULL of BR ice cream pints because she kept forgetting what she needed at the store. When she moved she did the same thing, looked in fridge, and said she needed to go grocery shopping— she constantly asked. She liked getting on the AL van, but now she isn't allowed to go without me. It has finally slowed down, but her requests were based in her mind, in the past, and something she could relate to. I learned to always say YES, even if I didn't mean it, and I'd "kick it down the road" until I knew she needed something. It is the disease— ever changing disease.

Excessive need to grocery shop??

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