Tell them or not

rdonahome · August 12

My partner has been diagnosed recently. When he forgets something or says a wrong thing, should I tell him or let it go?

Suzieq1955 · August 12

Most of the reading I have done says to let it go - a gentle correction at most. He gets confused because his brain is injured. Saying to him “ don’t you remember” does no good and often is upsetting and embarrassing.

trottingalong · August 12

For the most part I just let it go. Depending on what he gets wrong sometimes I Say “oh I thought it was…” He will sometimes agree with me and sometimes tell me I got it wrong. Then I just agree and laugh off my mistake.

blacksparky · August 12

As you and your partner advance through this disease try to remember that the person with dementia can’t adapt to your world but you need to get into their world.

dcare45 · August 12

Hello rdonahome

In a nutshell, let it go. Like most other behaviors with this disease, if it is not a safety or health issue does it really matter? It has helped me to just focus on the things that are important.

CindyBum · August 12

Oh yes. Let that go. You will surprise yourself at how much you can let go once you get used to it. I remember realizing that i had long been "sweating the small stuff" and that it was a huge relief to let these things just float by.

tboard · August 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76819/tell-them-or-not

Let it go. Also people with dementia rarely believe that they have it. Pointing out that someone forgot something doesn’t help.

Dusty217 · August 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76819/tell-them-or-not

I struggle with this as well, my hubby (Sorry I hate the DH, never called him that) is very early on this road and I can't always tell if he doesn't remember because it's him or it's MCI. I usually test the waters and give more details. If it's just him he will say oh yes I remember. If he can't remember with details, I think it's the MCI and say, "I must have forgotten to tell you ". Sometimes I wonder if he really remembers or just says he does. I know this works now but I agree with all the comments from others. Just let it go will be better as he gets worse.

Goodlife2025 · August 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/279750#Comment_279750

Cindy - you brought a smile to me this afternoon. I read the book "Don't Sweat the Small stuff" in the early 90's as part of my own career development. Those tools come in so handy with care giving. I often pat myself on the back when this type "A" control freak let's the small stuff go. You know - coffee pot in the frig, filling the lawn mower with oil, telling me a man is living in our back yard. So much of the annoying is in the long run - the small stuff.

H1235 · August 13

I might say something like- oh I thought I told you about that at breakfast this morning sorry my mistake, or oh I thought it 5 years ago that we had the gutters installed, I was think it was the same year …. If what I say jogs the memory enough so she can remember things correctly great, if not and she insists I’m wrong, no big deal, just let it go. Early on something like this might work. If these little hints don’t help at all I wouldn’t bother. I would avoid a blunt correction. This may lead to anger or resentment, especially if it happens frequently.

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