I am new here…struggling with DH

The one thing I have found to be the most helpful is support groups. I attend one virtually, one in person and I just received an email from the Guide program of several virtual support groups of different kinds that they are making available to people in the Guide program. It feels so comforting to listen to others and suggestions being offered. Mostly it's refreshing to feel that you aren't alone. If you're not aware of Guide, it is a Medicare program that touches base once a month, they offer benefits when your LO reaches a certain stage such as respite care. (It is limited, but can come in handy for appointments you have, errands to run, or however you need) I've had this service for 6 months and my DH hasn't qualified for some of the free services just yet, but it's time for his 6 month reevaluation next week and we'll see how it goes. The monthly calls are wonderful for any questions you have and they are the ones that introduced me to serveral different support groups. They offer suggestions for problems you aren't sure how to handle and it's nice to have a kind voice to tell you you're doing a good job. His Neurologist is the one that connected me with Guide, and I believe it does require a recommendation from your doctor. Just wanted to throw out some ideas that have been helpful for me. Believe me, I feel so depressed some days, exhausted and wondering how I can possibly go on, but these suggestions have helped me greatly.

First of all, I am glad you found this group because I have gotten some great advice here. Also it is good to know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing or feeling. I can relate to most of what you wrote about. My DH is in the middle stages and I am seeing an increase in changes and loss of ability to do the more simpler tasks without constant verbal assistance or doing it for him. When my mom passed from dementia complications (exactly one year before my DH’s official diagnosis) I planted a remembrance rose bush in my garden for her. (Her name was Rose.) At the beginning of the Spring he decided to go out and work on the garden. I went out to check on him and he had cut down and tore out a number of my plants, including the remembrance rose. I was absolutely devastated and started to cry. When I told him he took out my mom’s rose he showed no remorse or sympathy. He just got mad and said it is just a plant and it needed to go. I had to remind myself that even though it made me sad it wasn’t his fault. The dementia makes him do things and act in ways he wouldn’t before. It makes me sad to see my once sweet, kind, energetic, sympathetic husband act in hurtful ways and not able to do some things for himself. I have been put on medicine for anxiety because I have a habit of looking into what the future will bring and it causes me to worry and be sad. What has helped is I stop expecting things to be like they were before, prepare myself for things that can happen if we go out or are doing things together and just keep reminding myself of the good times we had together. I journal things so I can keep the dr informed of what is happening. I now look at things in smaller stretches of time. We have good moments and we have bad moments. Not days, weeks, etc. so chunk it into moments. Some moments are a win and some are something to learn from. I have found that sharing my feelings with family helps a lot. Also sharing them here. It is so much better than bottling it up. Hope this helped you.