Finding help at home.

WillisL · August 15

I’m living with my 87 year old mom with AD. She’s still bathing and taking care of her personal needs. My husband is a chef and cooks all her meals for her. She is not able to do any cooking other than reheating her meals in the microwave. I have taken over all her finances and took the car from her. I can see she’s declining. Sleeping more and sundowning horribly. She’s losing language. It’s hard to understand what she’s saying sometimes from the loss of language. She’s hallucinating too. She’s telling me she’s seeing people come through the house. She couldn’t find her bedroom one night and was searching for the stairs to it. We live in a 1 story house. She’s become mean annd demanding, especially to me. I can see I’m going to need help for in the near future and I don’t want her going to MC. Both myself and my husband have worked in senior care and none of these management companies care about anything other than money. My worry is she will require more care than what is possible at home. She doesn’t make a lot of money but too much to qualify for state aid. She does have insurance for caregiving but it only covers $100 per day which isn’t much. Anyone else having gone through this that has any advice? I really want to keep her at home.

Journey813 · August 15

Hi. Sorry to hear of your troubles. I too am taking care of my mom full time who has AD. As someone that has come from working in long term care I don't want my mom there but this is getting rough. Mom is in mid-late stages and it has become too dangerous to allow her the independence your mom has. My suggestion is to watch her closely to assure her safety she could change behavior at any moment. I have put locks on things and sit with my mom all day unless I take a few hrs for myself to do housework or to take mental reset. If you qualify for home health under insurance I would take it because this will prevent burn out. I have to sleep in the room with my mom to keep her from pacing or going into the kitchen thinking it's the bathroom (she has peed on the floor near the kitchen). I am burned out and would hate to see you get this way. I encourage you to do all you can to protect your parent, your home and your mental health. Wishing you the best.

caregiving daughter · August 15

It has to be so extremely difficult to experience the paranoia like your mom is going through. Is there a way to reduce some of this anxiety. Perhaps her physician may be able to prescribe something that would ease the emotional strain. If you see confusion and anger coming on suddenly, do check for a uti or similar infection. My office on aging in our community does offer some respite at no charge. Might this be available to help you? If she says someone is coming in the house, don't try to correct, rather, ask questions and then try to redirect. What you are describing sounds so very challenging. for all involved.

fesk · August 16

Was also going to recommend checking for a UTI or other medical issue for the change in behavior if you haven't already done so. If no medical reason, the doctor can perhaps prescribe something to help.

I will add I do have my mother at home and she is now in an advanced stage. It has been difficult at times and we have gone through behavioral issues which now seem behind us. I plan to keep her here. As far as help, it is very difficult to find competent, reliable caregivers. I wish you the best of luck.

sandwichone123 · August 16

I have also worked in long-term care but was able to find a locally owned (not corporation—an owner who was actually in the facility most days) dementia-focused facility that was wonderful. My dh lived there for over three years and, while there are always small things, the staff was stable and well-trained and he got very good care.

WillisL · August 19

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280044#Comment_280044

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280031#Comment_280031

I hate to say it, but it seems inevitable. We are watching concerning safety. She has lived with us for over 8 years so the house is very familiar. If it becomes a safety issue, I won’t have a choice. I know this is going to get worse with progression. She’s feisty too. She’s not taking anything but cholesterol meds too, and Advil for a constant headache which the dr knows about. Not much we can do. There is nothing else wrong except for she’s lost 70% of her hearing. This is rough. It’s horrible to watch. I started looking up caregiving. That’s coming very soon.

Journey813 · August 19

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280314#Comment_280314

Yes I am right there with you. I care for my mom full time. I left my job to do so and now my main part of my job as a caregiver is to keep her safe because there's nothing else we can do about the progression of this disease. I keep her out of the kitchen and at least out of my extra room where I keep important things because everything she touches goes into the garbage or she may use a chemical thinking that it may be mouthwash (caught her doing that). That's when I first realized that I cannot leave her alone for too long. I am seeking a caregiver to give me some relief for a few hours because it is a 24/7 job. Definitely educate yourself as much as possible. It will help you.

WillisL · August 22

I haven’t seen that kind of behavior, at least not yet, ugh. I have been reading a lot. I had to retire to take care of her. I took my social at 62. So far she’s safe to use the microwave. She’s still taking care of her personal needs and even doing her own laundry. She’s not ready for a card giver yet but soon. I’ll have to pitch it to her lol. Weird how certain things she does but she’s definitely severe. She is hallucinating imagining people in the house that are not here. She has lost her way to her bedroom too. It’s so sad since she was always so organized and she know what’s happening to her. She has voiced it to me but doesn’t remember is Alzheimer’s.

Finding help at home.

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