From Lost Keys to Checkbooks

Pmmommie · August 21

Dad with VD for the last 3 years and MC bound with just waiting for the waiting list to be opened up. But, I digress. We've moved from the keys and have figured out why the lanyard went missing. He didn't want to wear the alert button that was attached to the lanyard. Since, he has a habit of "losing" them, I made 4 copies that are hidden away from him with 1 being for his daily caregivers and signed out at check in.

Now he is insistent that he has bills to pay and he needs his checkbook Now. He has been asking for the last couple of weeks the location of this checkbook and I've explained that it is with me so I can pay his expenses and past bills along with 1 credit card bill he continuously uses for those "special" calls. And yes, I've contacted the bank to freeze the card and I leave him with $20 worth of singles and he thinks he's rich. How do I redirect with the checkbook? He gets so angry when he can't find it. He keeps telling me he has bills to pay and added expenses both are not true. He gets so angry that he will throw his phone against the wall while talking to me. He doesn't even have a key to his mailbox and any bills or solicitations come to my house. His caregivers are at wits end as well. Neither of them has ever seen him this angry and uncontrollable.

harshedbuzz · August 21

The checkbook redirect can be addressed in a couple ways.

My first choice would be to tell him that the bills are all on auto-pay as is required by the bank or utility in question. You can add some reason like it being protection against scams like check-washing.

If he's further along, getting him some toy checks which you disappear on the way to the mailbox might work, too.

Telling him you'll do it for him is obviously a trigger. That said, this kind of reaction is probably an indication that medication to dial back his anxiety and agitation would be prudent.

HB

caregiving daughter · August 21

Yes on toy checks. Maybe they are from an account that has been closed. Just make sure you grab them later so they don't leave the house. You might want to make some mental or physical notes on what works with your loved one. For example, when you give him the fake checks, does he work on them one day and then it's on to something else the next OR is money the topic that is going to be what he continually goes back to.

My mom was the latter. She wanted me to move her file cabinet to her memory care (so obviously no thought to the absolute security risk). She wouldn't move on to something else so I brought her to my house and brought out three boxes of her financial records. You know what, she didn't touch them. I think the lack of executive functioning wouldn't allow her to take the needed steps to open a file. At that time, I had tremendous guilt for moving her to memory care so the circumstance was a good reminder that I had done the right thing.

Please hang in there.

JulietteBee · August 22

I'd create a fake checkbook so he can "pay his bills," but always offer to mail them for him. Purposely lose them enroute to the post office.

From Lost Keys to Checkbooks

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