Today is the day
We meet with a neurologist to try and determine if my DH has dementia and what stage he’s in. DH has been in cognitive decline for at least five years. I know no answers will be forthcoming today. I’m sure testing will be forthcoming. I am beyond frustrated with my DH and this disease.
Last night I returned home to my DH being madder than a hornet’s nest. His rationale to justify his emotions is really out there. Turns out DH made some brats on the grill the night before. I guess he made about 6 of them. He ate two and put the remaining brats in the refrigerator. My brother lives with us. Last night my brother ate two of the brats which triggered my DH.
My DH stated he purchased the brats with his own money and they were his and no one else should eat them. He also cooked them which further confirmed according to him that no one else should touch them. I didn’t argue with him, I agreed with everything he stated. I added that from now my DH needed to put his name on any food he doesn’t want my brother or me to eat. DH tried to keep arguing his point and I continued to agree with him (even though I didn’t agree).
My DH is very angry and generally his anger is always direct at me. Last night, the anger was transferred to my brother. My brother had no idea this is my DH’s stance. Today, I’ll have to explain it to my brother who will be taken back by this revelation.
My DH also stated he wants my brother kicked out of the house. My brother is not well and is my only remaining sibling. If I did what my DH is asking, my brother would be homeless. That fact doesn’t seem to phase my DH at all. I know if my DH was capable of being rational, this wouldn’t be an issue.
I am overwhelmed and beyond exhausted trying to keep peace when I know this is going to be my new “normal.” I don’t know if I can keep doing it. I’m praying for some answers today.
I’m dealing with so many issues with my DH, too many to even try to explain. I’m praying the neurologist will let me express my concerns. 🙏
Comments
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You are in a hard place . It is doubtful that the neurologist would prescribe meds for your DH prior to testing, but you could ask. Then, ask your dr. for something for yourself. I don't think that meds are always the answer, but sometimes they are. Yes, the neurologist should be listening to you. Hang in there. I won't say that this gets any easier, but you will develop better coping skills…and eventually, the dr. may find the best cocktail of drugs to keep your DH calm…probably.
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So sorry you’re dealing with this. You have a lot on your plate even without adding your brother into the mix. It sounds like your doing the right things, like agreeing with him when you don’t. I agree with @Maru that your and your brother’s coping skills will get better with time and hopefully some meds might help calm things a bit. Keep us posted on the progress.
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Well, the meeting went as well as to be expected. I will preface that prior to meeting the neurologist, I was advised by an Alzheimer’s support group to send a certified letter to the neurologist expressing my concerns which I did.
The doc ask my DH husband questions and then would look over at me as if to determine what my thoughts were.
The doc inquired of me how long my DH’s decline has been going on, the irrational conversations my DH has had with me, the anger that my DH has towards me. My DH did not deny what has been going on.
My DH struggled to communicate and would often venture off course with expressing himself
The doc stated he was going to have my DH complete a Bach exam, do blood work for a B12 deficiency. The doc also stated that if the Bach test shows probable concern of cognitive decline, he will move forward with an MRI of the brain. He also mentioned that a neuropsychologist would also move forward with testing that will take several hours. For now, DH has a follow up in four months but that four months will change based on the Bach test, especially if it shows probable cognitive decline.
The doc also suggested behavioral counseling to determine why he’s so angry. The behavioral counseling will be added if there is probable cognitive decline.
Afterwards, we scheduled the four month check up, went to get the blood work done. DH invited me to have a very late lunch/dinner with him, which surprised me. We didn’t talk much and it was clear DH was confused about what is going to transpire from this consult. When we returned home, I thanked him for the late lunch/dinner. DH went to bed (it’s only 6 pm here).
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I'm so glad today went well for you and wish you the best. It's a long hard road but today you had a little sunshine. Thanks for the update.
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That sounds like it went quite well then. Take a breath! Thank you for the update. I’m happy for you that DH invited you to dinner - that was a nice ending.
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I’m so glad that the appointment went well and that you’re moving forward with testing and blood work. My husband’s doctor also speaks with my husband but turns to me for confirmation, which helps me feel heard and that my concerns are addressed.
I’m sorry you’re in the position you are, but so glad you found this community. I’ve benefitted more from this group than any other resource. Ask, vent, share… we’re here with you.3 -
Glad your meeting/appointment went well. Sounds like you're on the right track. I just wonder why the doc "suggested behavioral counseling to determine why he’s so angry … will be added if there is probable cognitive decline." IMHO, if there's cognitive decline or memory issues, no counseling will help because the patient won't be able to absorb any of the discussions/instructions. My DH went through 30 sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to no avail. A complete waste of time. He was more paranoid than ever after the sessions. He also went through a battery of tests to rule out other causes (such as vitamin B12 deficiency, heavy metal toxicity, spinal fluid infection, epilepsy, etc.) with negative or unremarkable results. And I don't know if your husband will show-time in front of doctors/therapists. It was extremely frustrating when my DH did that.
Best of luck as your husband's diagnosis progresses.
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No one prepares us for the personality changes. I had to get clothes out for my DHs "crew" every morning . We never saw a neurologist I believe he is now in mid stage 7. I didn't see the point because there is no cure or treatment.
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You will need th physical and emotional support of your brother as this disease continues to progress. My DH is in the late stage of stage 7. My youngest son lives with us. I've managed to keep my DH here at home where he will die. My son's support and companionship has allowed me so much. I've been very blessed to have him here.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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