DH just diagnosed

curtIns2day · August 23

We see the neurologists this week. Pet scan came back positive for Alzheimer’s. DH is in denial. I think it is early. He forgets names and recent conversations. Just wondering when he should stop driving and I hear about stages. How many stages are there. He is 71 and has heart disease. He works out four times oler week and works a lot on our 25 acres cutting trees cutting grass etc. when does that stop. How will we afford to keep up this place? Can I really take care of him T home. I don’t think we can afford care.

sandwichone123 · August 23

Hi and welcome! I'm sorry you have to be here, but you've come to the right place! Plenty of experience and understanding here. In general, by the time you're wondering when they should stop driving, they should. Driving uses such complex skills and fast processing that it's usually unsafe long before we think to wonder.

Doctors usually use three stages: mild, moderate, severe. Caregivers usually use seven stages based on the kind of care and support they need at various stages. Someone will come and post a link to those stages, as I downloaded them and don't have the bookmark any more.

Affording anything is a huge challenge with Alzheimer's. The first place to start is with a lawyer. You'll need durable power of attorney (DPOA) which allows you to conduct business on his behalf when he is not able to. You also need POA for healthcare, which allows you to make healthcare decisions for him and also to get information from providers. A lawyer sounds like an expensive stop, but I assure you it is 100% worth it, and getting the information you need now can save tens of thousands down the road. You can also ask about qualifying for Medicaid in your state in case you are not able to keep him home. Sometimes Medicaid also provides some in-home support.

annie51 · August 24

I’m sure you have a million questions going through your mind right now. @sandwichone123 has some great advice, especially about seeing an attorney - and make sure you see a CELA, a certified elder law attorney. Do this as soon as possible while your DH is still competent to sign documents.
I suggest you read the book 36 Hour Day. This is always recommended as a good first book to read because it covers many different topics in the dementia journey. That gives you a good overview of what to expect and what things you need to do.

For staging the tool most commonly used by caregivers is the seven stage model. This is a link.

https://www.tamcummings.com/tools

There are many books, videos, etc, out there and it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Just take it slow, come to this site often, read others posts or post more questions. Take the time during the early stages to not only learn what you can but also enjoy time with your DH. Do the things you both like to do, travel, visit family, see old friends. You’ll be happy you did. And over time you will learn how to manage this journey and this group will give you great support. We’re here for you!

Maru · August 24

Sorry that you find yourself here…but, welcome. I hope that your DH is able to listen to logic and see why he has to give up driving. I know that states vary with different laws regarding driving with an ALZ diagnosis. In case of an accident, any attorney would reasonably argue that someone with ALZ has a diminished capacity and that that person should be held responsible. Also, check with your insurance co. to see their policy regarding insuring someone with ALZ. These might be arguments that you could use on your DH to sway him to give up his license….As long as he has a license, you have to pay that extra insurance. I think that the sooner you do this the easier it will be.

TMCMNJ · August 24

it’s so scary no matter what stage. I look at my DH and a deep choke of tenderness for him starts in my chest as I think of what he must endure.
I feel that tenderness for you and for me and for all of us. We had avoided seeing a neurologist for 3 years since I first had to face this. His MOCA went from 18 to 6, which blows my mind. She told him to stop driving. He was shocked and oddly, so was I. It goes slow and fast. I don’t want to lose him. This is hard. May our love sustain us all

DH just diagnosed

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