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Hello, my DH was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about a year ago. He still cares for himself (dressing, bathing) but is dependent on me for everything else (tv remote, financial, meals, everything, constantly asking questions). He has not driven in over a year but still insists he wants to renew his license. He does not seem to be aware at all of his cognitive issues. I feel like I am waiting for him to suddenly get worse...when do I plan for care, if the decline happens quickly, how do I deal with it? I feel anxious a lot of the time and am not sleeping well.

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  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 2,339
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    Welcome. Trying to plan is so difficult. With Alzheimer’s the progression is usually a slow decline, but you never know. My mom has vascular dementia and I’m told it progresses in steps. It’s been 3 1/2 years and I’m still wondering when I will see that first step. I guess that’s a good thing, but I can’t help but feel on edge. I’m a planner, I hate being caught off guard. In my opinion it’s worth looking into your options for when things do progress. Make some calls about in home care. See what is available, how expensive, minimum number of hours and anything else you can think of. See if you can find a day care senior center. Your local commission on aging may be helpful. I would tour a few memory care facilities and see what you think. Many do have a waiting list to get in, but even if you’re not ready for that just having some idea of which ones you like might be helpful down the road. Maybe having some kind of rough plan for the future would give you some peace of mind. You might want to talk with your doctor. There are many of us here that have been so overwhelmed by all of this that medication is needed to get through. My doctor prescribed a very mild anxiety medication and it has helped a lot. I hate taking medication and avoided it for a long time, but it’s made a difference. I will add a few resources for you. The inability to recognize symptoms or limitations is a common dementia symptom called anosognosia. It can be difficult to navigate.

  • annie51
    annie51 Member Posts: 817
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    Yes it’s very hard to plan, but you do need to do some research while you can for the eventual decline. @H1235 had some great ideas. I would do this well before you need it, for 3 reasons: 1. You never know when a steeper decline will happen, 2. If you’re DH is such that you have free time (either you can do things without him looking over your shoulder, or you can leave him for periods of time) take advantage of it now, and 3. If you’re the sole caregiver, you need to prepare a Plan B in case something happens to you.
    Read the book The 36 Hour Day. It’s the go-to first book always recommended. I started a notebook and took a few key notes I could easily refer to later, including things I learned on this site. Call your local Area Agency on Aging. They can give you information about resources available to you. We know what you’re going through so if you just need to scream and rant, do it here! We can be your sounding board any time of day.

  • sandwichone123
    sandwichone123 Member Posts: 1,385
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    When I renewed my dh's license, I changed it to a state ID but he wasn't aware. He hadn't been driving in a year or more anyway, so we went and got a new picture and it was all the same but he still didn't drive. I felt like there might be a need for an ID at some point (and I think I did end up producing it for someone at some point, but I don't remember why).

  • annie51
    annie51 Member Posts: 817
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    There is definitely a need for having the state ID when they’re no longer driving. We used it for traveling (when he still could travel) and also when filing our tax returns. There were other occasions I used it also.

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 544
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    Two things: if he is no longer driving, then just don't renew his license, and secondly, when it is time to renew, sign him up for the state ID instead. Just an FYI, as long as he has a license, you have to pay for auto insurance on him, regardless of whether he drives or not.

    A lot, maybe most, POD are unaware that they have cognitive issues. That is not abnormal. My DH knows that he has ALZ…even tells people so, then turns around and says that the Dr tells him he is above average.

    Download the DBAT mentioned earlier. It is a great reference to plan ahead. What steps will you need to take at stage such and such…indoor security cameras? Incontinent pads? waterproof sheets? and so on. If you have local family, have a planning session on who can do what so that you can have some help with this.

    Many of us caretakers are elderly, quasi-infirm, dealing with cancer treatments, etc. You can do this. Work through your fear about all the "what ifs", then do it. You can do this.

  • Sunny D
    Sunny D Member Posts: 10
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    I feel like this is the post I wanted to write this morning! Thanks to you all for responding and good suggestions! I have done some (facility tours and anxiety meds) and I appreciate the other ideas posted here. Thanks!!

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more