Wife’s Anger In The Mornings

bwanasil · August 27

Looking for advice

I have a PSW coming in every morning at 7.00am. Her job is to wake my LO, do the toilet , wash , dress give her breakfast and then drop her off to the Activity Center by 9.00am.

The PSW has been coming now for 6 weeks, but unfortunately my wife gives her a real hard time telling her to “ get out, shut up , I’ll kill you etc. This happens every single day especially making her sit on the toilet.

It takes the PSW about 45 mins to bring her down for breakfast. I have tried every “trick in the book including per GPTChat “ to change the routine and help the PSW but nothing works.

Once they get out of the house and into the car, my wife is happy. She sings and talks although a lot although nothing makes sense as she has Aphasia butmost importantly she is happy and so is the PSW.

The PSW, is slight in built, very kind, soft spoken and patient. My wife is taller and physically very fit. I have confidence in the PSW knowing my wife is safe and well looked after but the way my wife curses her is getting to ME.

My question is, should I stick with this PSW or look for a replacement knowing how difficult it is to get someone reliable.

Jgirl57 · August 28

in my opinion, your wife will behave this way with any other person caring for her. I would stay with the same person you have now . It seems they are getting the daily tasks done. Maybe step outside and have a cup of coffee if possible. You are paying for the service that is being provided so you can have a break. Hang in there .

Timmyd · August 28

My initial reaction is that forcing PWD to wake up every day at 7am seems harsh. The thing I have learned with dementia is that things that work today will stop working tomorrow. Is this schedule sustainable as disease progresses, and what will be the symptoms that indicate the routine needs to be changed? It is common for PWD to sleep more and more as disease progresses. Some days my wife sleeps in bed past 11am. The earliest I consider scheduling anything with DW is 11am so that she never has to get up before 10am.

blacksparky · August 28

I agree with Jgirl57. As long as the caregiver is okay with the situation, I would stay the course for now.

dcare45 · August 28

It takes us about 1/2 an hour from the time we actually get out of bed to get to the kitchen. Everything moves slower now. I turn the bedroom light on and start the wake-up process about 1/2 hour before I plan on getting DW out of bed. A nice slow waking up. Nudge her, I'm moving around the room getting her things ready, making noise. She wakes for a minute then closes her eyes again, no rushing. Seems to keep her in a better mood and works for us. I have moved the time back for her to be at the Adult Enhancement Center so we will have extra time in the morning, so I don't have to hurry. I will just pick her up a little later, so I still have time to do things. The Center is very good about time adjustments. Maybe you could try shifting the whole schedule back a bit. what time does she get up on the days she doesn't go to the Activity Center? Does she go EVERY day? Does she have to be there at 9?

Bowerbird · August 28

I agree that waking her when she may not be ready to be awakened may be contributing to the difficulty issue. Is it possible that the Activity Center has flexible hours, so that your LO can awaken at her own pace, do her hygiene routine, have breakfast and then go to the Center?

terei · August 29

I would try letting her sleep as long as she wants til starting activities. Longer sleep times are typical of progressing AZ. Trying to get them to adjust to YOUR schedule can be a struggle.

harshedbuzz · August 29

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/281103#Comment_281103

This won't work with the activity center's 9am start time. A private companion might be cost prohibitive.

@bwanasil

So long as she happy once she's done, I would keep things as they are.

HB

Wife’s Anger In The Mornings

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