DH fell and broke his left hip and wrist

White Crane · September 9

He fell at his MC facility early Saturday morning and broke both his hip and wrist on the left side. He had a total hip replacement on Sunday and the surgeon also set his wrist an put a cast on it. He has had an awful time and now is having a second surgery this afternoon; this time on his wrist. He pulled the cast off sometime Monday night and now the only way to secure it is with surgery. That means more anesthesia. Meanwhile, the nurses were squabbling over whether he should have more morphine yesterday. I'm not really explaining this very well. Probably because I am exhausted. My poor husband can't understand what has happened and gets combative and keeps trying to get out of bed. Being in the hospital always causes him to get more confused but this is really over the top. I think he was hallucinating yesterday. He has also started to cough so there is the worry of him getting pneumonia. I admit that I am rather a mess but trying to hold it together. My daughter is here with me and that helps. Truthfully, I don't know if he is going to survive this and the thought of losing him is so hard to think about. I keep turning him over to God and then taking him back. Saying, "Thy will be done" and truly letting go are two different things. I feel sick inside and so very sad watching him trying desperately to get out of bed and not knowing what is happening to him. One thing I am going to do this morning is tell the doctor not to give him anymore morphine. I read that it can cause death in elderly dementia patients and he has had a lot of it in the last few days. I haven't cried but it wouldn't take much for me to sit down and sob.

CharlieS · September 9

I'm so sorry this is happening, WhiteCrane. Exhaustion is bad enough just in day to day caretaking, but your current situation is over the top. Glad to know your daughter is with you. It really does help an awful lot to have loved ones around you. Cry as much and as often as you need to. That helps relieve some of the stress and pressure, too. God bless.

dcare45 · September 9

Sorry to hear this bad news. I also am glad your daughter can be with you. Please know we are thinking of you and saying a prayer for you and your DH.

Chance Rider · September 9

Oh, White Crane, I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s fall and surgeries. I’m glad your daughter is there to support you. Allow yourself to cry and, easier said than done, don’t neglect yourself especially right now. Sending hugs!

annie51 · September 9

So sorry to hear about your awful situation. It’s hard to see them suffer like that but it’s hard to let go. I know first hand, like many here, when I had to verbally confirm the DNR in the ER. Just go with your heart. Deep down you know what is the right thing to do. So glad you have family support - that is invaluable. Sending hugs and prayers 🙏

Lethe · September 9

White crane… this has to be so difficult. It could be the anesthesia from two surgeries in addition to morphine making him so confused. It’s always a guessing game knowing if the behavior/confusion is caused by pain hence the morphine. Sending you big hugs….

Biggles · September 9

Oh Whitecrane how awful for you and your DH, so very difficult. What a sad predicament. The confusion within your poor LO is heart breaking and the thought of letting them go is debilitating. Sending hugs, care and understanding.

Gig Harbor · September 10

I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s fall. I was an ER nurse for 40 years and saw many elderly people with fractures. Pain is very real and if he gets no pain relief he will likely become more combative and confused. Morphine can help him relax and hopefully sleep. My husband had an unconscious episode at his memory care. The medics arrived and called me to say he was actively having a heart attack, could not be roused and did not appear to be in pain. I asked them to not take him to the hospital as the next step would have been a heart cath and he likely would not have survived. I kept remembering how he said he would hate living with dementia or a stroke and would rather die. He was very serious [this was before dementia]. This was his opportunity to pass peacefully and I honored it. It was hard to do and the part of me who always saved people wanted to jump in and do it but I remembered his wishes. I hope that you and your daughter are able to follow a path that will bring all of you comfort.

Russinator · September 10

WhiteCrane, I'm so sorry this is happening. ((HUGS))

White Crane · September 10

Thank you all so much for your support. Since I wrote this morning, my husband's lungs have started to fill up. The Dr. started him on an antibiotic. The surgery to repair his wrist has been cancelled. The surgeon didn't think he would survive the surgery. The plan now is to try to reset his wrist and put another cast on. Also, palliative care is going to talk to me tomorrow about having their help or possibly hospice. The doctor told me this morning that he may not survive even without the surgery. He has been sleeping all day today except for brief episodes when the nurses come in to turn him or sliding him back up in the bed. His chest is rattling when he breathes and he doesn't seem to understand much of what is said to him. Also, he hasn't had anything to eat since sometime yesterday.

CharlieS · September 10

I am so very sorry to hear this, White Crane. Hugs go out to you and yours.

Karen711 · September 10

This is hard news Brenda, I’m so sorry to hear what you both are going through! My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope your daughter can stay by your side….
Hugs to You💜

harshedbuzz · September 10

I am sorry you find yourself where you are right now.

HB

BPS · September 10

I agree with you completely when you say "I keep turning him over to God and then taking him back. Saying, "Thy will be done" and truly letting go are two different things". I pray that you can remember God is with you.

Maru · September 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/77065/dh-fell-and-broke-his-left-hip-and-wrist

Whether he gets morphine or not, he obviously needs something for pain. Do whatever must be done to keep him comfortable and safe. Broken bones are very painful. May God grant you wisdom and give you comfort during all this.

Chance Rider · September 10

I’m so sorry. Thinking of you and your husband and sending hugs for strength and comfort.

JJ401 · September 10

I am so sorry. This is so hard. My heart goes out to you.

annie51 · September 10

We’re with you. Our prayers are with you. Our hearts are with you.

🫂

dcare45 · September 10

((Hugg))

Barbie300 · September 10

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Praying for you to have strength and endurance for all that’s happening. Praying for your DH’s pain to be relieved and his confusion improved.

Goodlife2025 · September 11

@White Crane I just read your post and am in prayer at this moment for you and yours. May your daughter be a comfort and caregiver for you during this awful time. God's peace be on you Brenda thinking of you and your DH.

Quilting brings calm · September 11

I’m so sorry. Please don’t worry about the morphine. You don’t want him to be in pain.

sandwichone123 · September 11

I am reading about this rapid change and I want to point out: sometimes we feel like they fall and then everything went downhill rapidly. But sometimes what happens is that they go downhill rapidly and falling is one of the first signs of that. I recognize that this change happened when he fell, but I do want to point out that the fall and its aftermath may not be the cause.

My heart is with you in this very difficult time.

wose · September 12

Thinking of you tonight and hoping you find peace and strength. Please know you are in my heart and prayers 💙💕

suvi · September 12

Thinking of you White Crane.

Russinator · September 13

(((HUGS)))

trottingalong · September 13

I just read this White Crane. I am so sorry. I cannot imagine.

shiawase12 · September 13

So sorry to hear this. Sending my prayers along with all the others. So glad your daughter can be with you. Hugs 💕

GrandmaW · September 13

Dear Whitecrane -just reading your post. So sorry you're facing what sounds like "Time to let my spouse pass peacefully".
My prayer is that God will speak to your heart LOUDLY & grant you peace as you follow His and your DH's will for continued life.
Hopefully you and your DH had an Advanced Directive and discussed what "quality of life" your DH wanted.
My guess is he would not want to continue to live with his current quality of life.

Morphine is a wonderful drug that helps patient not only with pain management - but YES also can help ease them into a peaceful end of life.
May God grant you peace during this time of 'tough decision".

DH fell and broke his left hip and wrist

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