Caregiver Sundowning

dcare45 · September 12

I read somewhere recently about something similar to a Caregivers Sundowning, might have been on this site. By the end of the day the caregiver is so stressed or burdened by all the things throughout the day they go through a mini episode. Big frustration, flash anger, emotional swings, irrational thoughts etc. The phrase stuck in my head because I'm afraid this is what I am doing. I'm not trying to compare this with actual sundowning or minimize someone's real sundowning. I just feel it is an interesting concept. I seemed to have fallen into this pattern of behavior. Even when we have a good day it can come out of the blue. Going through the final toileting and bedtime routines is usually the trigger for me. We have the routines down so nothing dramatic happens to change things but there it is. It happens so often I notice more now when it doesn't happen. I am just wondering if other caregivers have a certain time or activity that sets off a similar response in themselves. I guess at the end of the day I'm just a hairless ape anyway no matter how hard I try. 🐒

wose · September 12

I don’t know you but I think I can say … you are not a hairless ape☺️ Your thoughts and posts put you firmly in the extraordinary caregiver group. I feel this too , all of it I’m ashamed to say. My anger and irrational thoughts are scaring the bejesus out of me. I know where it comes from but I find myself unable at times to control or contain it. I thought about counseling. My DH accepted a caregiver once, will not go to daycare and turns down any invitations from his very few friends. I often think of terms of being waterboarded without the water ( sorry that was dramatic ) I pretty sure it’s the burnout stage for us, but what to do? You are not alone….. Hugs💙

Sunfish47 · September 12

Yes, the “final toileting and bedtime routines” is a problem for me as well, cuz by that time I’m just exhausted and apt to snap and curse at DH. It’s hard to get thru the evening to finish out the day.
So I am recently trying to match my sleeping schedule with his so I have some energy at day’s end.
He does better if he gets a morning nap and an afternoon nap. So I have been trying to find some time to lay down and take that afternoon nap with him as well.

Hippocampus25 · September 12

Are you able to sleep. That was one of my biggest problems after a day with my late wife. I found reading scripture to be so helpful. A passage that comes to mind is Philippians 4:7. While sundowning can lead to sleep disturbances because as confusion sets in, individuals experience a lot of anxiety, making it difficult to relax and fall asleep. The same holds true for those of us who are caring for our loved ones.

stananon · September 12

I dred that period in late afternoon and early evening. DW (74 year old) wants to go home to mom's (deceased 30 years) or to old friends. this is the most difficult behavior for me to deal with probably because of time of day…and serious safety issues. Somehow I've dealt with capgrass, constant jabbering, confusion, and delusions better, but they are more apt to occur earlier in the day. Late afternoon, she's tired, hungry, probably bored, and I am exhausted.

Because she is at risk for falls, I am always sleeping with one eye open. I try to put an hour between any screen time and bedtime with reading (sometimes scripture also), or meditation, prayer, or just simple busywork. Sometimes I even get a good night's sleep, sometimes not.

Its just good to know that others go through this and I am not a totally incompetent caregiver…its just part of the process.

Caregiver Sundowning

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