in denial
My husband whom was diagnosed mild to moderate mixed dementia w/alzheimers isn't accepting his diagnosis well. I have explained it to him and even showed him the seven stages and he tells me it isn't going to happen then he goes on to tell me that he hates me deep in his heart and blames me for things that has happened in the past but he don't accept his part in those things. I'm beside myself, any good advice?
Comments
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Last year my LO attempted suicide. Totally unconscious while in ICU she would go on for hours of delirium about how much she hated me. Called me names and wouldn't stop. Drs all said it was unconscious and she doesn't remember any of it.
It still makes me cry and is hard to forget. Why? Where did it come from? Hard to believe she didn't mean it on some level.
I understand and am very sorry this has happened to you.
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I find it easier on my DH not to bring up his diagnosis, especially the stages of dementia. He knew all that at first but now seems to have forgotten, so I don’t remind him. He’s happier that way.
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There is a reason fear and anger are often mentioned in the same sentence. When he can understand the diagnosis it makes him afraid and it is a common reaction for people to strike out in anger when they are afraid.
Most of the time he probably cannot understand. It is not that he cannot accept, he cannot see any problem, so when you say there is one he thinks you are lying. No amount of proof will help. This is part of the disease and the term for it is anosognosia.
There is a good channel on YouTube called dementia careblazers. It has a couple of helpful short videos on this.
The need for him to accept the diagnosis is your need, not his. Let it go. He does not need to accept a diagnosis for you to do what is necessary for his care, and your life will be more peaceful. As others have said, look into medication if necessary, FTD is hard.
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Thank you for this comment. You are right. We are in the process of figuring out what is going on my with my husband’s memory and speech. I am eager for a diagnosis, something that I can know what it is and what to expect. And in reality, none of us really know what to expect.
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It's not denial, it's anasognosia
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It is not uncommon for people with Alzheimer’s to not accept the diagnosis. Don’t bring it up again to your husband. His brain is broken. If you have not had a consultation with an elder law attorney, do so immediately to get your legal documents in order. If you are not sure what other measures you need to take now, ask us. The people on this site are extremely knowledgeable and supportive. I would speak to his neurologist about medication. Keep a notebook with his symptoms and behaviors to share with the doctor.
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It is not denial, it is anosognosia.
https://www.google.com/search?q=anosognosia&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS892US922&oq=anos&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCggBEAAYsQMYgAQyBggAEEUYOTIKCAEQABixAxiABDIKCAIQABixAxiABDIKCAMQLhixAxiABDIKCAQQABixAxiABDIHCAUQABiABDIKCAYQABixAxiABDIKCAcQABixAxiABDIHCAgQABiABDIHCAkQABiABNIBCTEwMTEzajBqN6gCFLACAeIDBBgBIF_xBXbAVYYo9HX28QV2wFWGKPR19g&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&source=chrome.ob&ie=UTF-8#lfId=ChxjMe
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I understand that from a medical perspective anosognosia and denial are not the same thing. From a practical perspective however, it feels like a distinction without a difference…
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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